God's Wisdom Vs. Ours

We think we have things together way too often. We navigate through life with the attitude of "I'm in control."

When we really don't. When we really aren't.

James 4:13-15 reminds us:

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."

It is 3:00 in the morning. My eyes are wide awake and my mind is running. Thinking about my to-do list. Thinking about decisions that have been or need to be made. Thinking about my children and the path they are on. Thinking I need to go to prayer as I might be on the edge of worry. 

I'm so thankful God is the One in control. He knows the answer to all these things.

So I rest in this. 

And I meditate on this:

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:31-34

One Year of Grace

The call that changed our lives came one year ago this month. Someone came back to the Ponderosa one year ago today. Many people had been praying.

God chose to allow us to travel down another road of deep valleys without many mountain tops. Today a year ago, I did not know what tomorrow would hold. I was stunned by fear and anxiety.  But His grace was with us through this valley just like it is when all goes well. He is always with us. I can truly say I would never have changed the last year. A relationship was renewed that I thought would never happen. Our family is back together. I'm homeschooling all of my four children. God has changed me so much...especially my endurance of being flexible. :)

So as I think back over the last year, I am so grateful. I think how if it were not for the grace of God at every turn, things would be drastically different. I am homeschooling "Hoss" for his senior year. He even gets to play tackle football on the same team as his cousin and brother. This is an added blessing. I think over how things should have and could have been different. Yet, our Lord had better plans.

My dear son, I am so thankful you are home. You came home under very dire circumstances, but, oh, how happy I am you are here.  You have grown and matured in this last year. You have choices that are ahead of you that will determine much of your future. You have just a few months before you turn 18, and my prayer is that you will find peace. Perfect Peace. In Him Alone.                                                                                                                            I love you! 

Another Return Home

"Hoss" is headed home on Monday.

These are the thoughts I have been "re"thinking lately.

"My hope needs to be in God; not in someone's behavior changing, or in the results I want."

"God already knows what the outcome is. I can rest in that."

Fear tries to invade. Anxiety enters. I refocus and cast those thoughts aside. I trust in God's unfailing plan.

Through this latest trial and downward journey I am amazed at God's work. When I don't think I can take the next step, He showers me with strength. He has brought people into "Hoss"' life that I do not even know about. And those who I have come to know about are part of the plan. Everywhere "Hoss" turns, God sends His children to love and admonish him. Even this week, a new person was introduced to him as a mandatory part of his life. A position to help keep Josh accountable. A paid worker. And yes, he is a believer. Josh is in awe of the "hound of heaven". We know it is the Lord drawing and reminding our boy how much He loves him and desires him to surrender.

We appreciate your prayers as we "transition" again. God is the source of our strength and our life.

Philippians 2:3,4 Put to Action

I know I have children just like yours. I know this because you are just like me.


"I don't like that." 

"I don't want this."

Yup! You know what I'm talking about. 

So today this is what we are working on. I am convinced we must make the needs of the world tangible to our children. We must not just preach about how much stuff they have and how grateful they need to be. They need to see with their eyes and hear with their ears how little others have. 

And my heart needs to see and hear it too. I tend to not only complain, but to also fret and worry about unknown things or what the future holds. 

NOTICE: I did not say "worry about my next meal."

So look around today and see how you can invest in a very small way in other people's lives in other parts of the world. It may not seem like a lot, but every person counts.

Then when you are in a place of worry about your life, remember the same promise God gives to the starving child, He gives to you.

Matthew 6:25 and 26 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 

Home For the Weekend

Tonight is a special night. We are picking up "Hoss" for his first weekend visit.

Our plans?

1. Dinner out with the family, including Grandpa and Grandma.

2. Beach in the morning; Andy Mineo concert in the evening, which includes lots of good friend time with awesome friends.

3. Church on Sunday and the afternoon with a special family for lunch.

So today, I pray. I cast my cares on the Lord; for He will sustain me. I look with joy to the future. Am I scared? Yes, my thoughts overwhelm me at times and so I cast them again. I find myself doing lots of self-talk. Reminding my own soul of the truth of God's Word and His character. Reminding this heart of mine that what people think doesn't matter. 

And looking forward to a weekend of lots of love.

Oh, yeah. "Inger" daily reminds me she is going to wake this big brother of hers every morning with tough love...jumping on his back and spanking him. Such sisterly affection!

Is He Your Everything?

I just finished reading Everything, What you Give and What you Gain to Become Like Jesus, by Mary DeMuth. Let's just suffice it to say, I am speechless and on my knees. 

Mary DeMuth speaks from experience when she challenges us to embrace all that God has for us, even in the painful valleys. She calls sin, sin. She takes those Scriptures that so many people tend to throw out to "encourage" you and teaches them from the context of Scripture, many still being able to be a source of help. She very candidly reminds us what God requires of us, but doesn't leave us hanging there. He cares so much about our spiritual life; so much more than our physical. 

God moves the DeMuth family to France to minister. This was a very difficult season for Mary as she takes us through what God taught her and how He works through His children. We all struggle our whole lives in the fleshly body to overcome sin, handle the daily pressures, some which tend to take our breath away, and strive to become more like Jesus. This book is one of the best I've read to help women accomplish all of these things.

Little did I know how much I needed this in light of the next month of my life. I love the Lord and so want to be a picture of His grace. I can't go down fighting. I must embrace Him as everything.

A Special Visit

It's been a tad crazy here at the Ponderosa. I pray you all had a great Thanksgiving and time of fellowship with family and friends. We certainly did.

 The day after Thanksgiving we traveled a couple of hours away and went to see my grandfather, the kids' great-grandfather. He was admitted to hospice as he had internal bleeding and his body was shutting down. I don't know about you, but this grandfather was one of those who everyone loved. I am so thankful we were able to see him a few days ago and he recognized the kids and they were able to say goodbye. We received word this morning that he passed away peacefully without pain. He will be sorely missed.

(These pictures were taken in January of 2011)

On another note, our big "Hoss" is scheduled to come home for his first home visit this Christmas. He will also be turning 16 at that time. We look forward to making lots of new memories. But I would ask that you please be praying, dear friends, for a peaceful time. Please pray for my emotions. I am fighting anxiety right now, but consciously keep going back to God's Word, His promises and aiming my heart to the cross. 

My thought for each day: "Lord, help me not to live in fear of the possible dangers, but in true peace and joy knowing You are in complete control."

He is Working....In Me!

God speaks. I am certain of it. Though it most often is not in an audible voice, he speaks in so many other ways, namely His Word. Yet, at times he uses others to say what we need to hear.

This week I have been fighting anxiety over my boys and where he is. His year date is coming up. The Lord provided in amazing ways for the ability for him to be there this last year, but those funds end soon. He wants to stay; we want him to stay. We are seeking God's direction and provision. So, I fight the feelings of "what if".

I fight the thoughts of "if not".

Today, I opened one of my devotional books and read, "When something in your life or thoughts makes you anxious, come talk to me about it." (Jesus Calling, pg. 64)

That's the key. I need to bring my supplications to the Savior in Thanksgiving and talk to Him, not mull over them or fret. This mind battle is so hard. It is a fight. 

I am also going through Stormie Omartian's book, The Power of a Praying Wife. Today's prayer????

"Lord, I commit our finances to You. Be in charge of them and use them for Your purposes.......I pray that my husband will not be anxious about finances, but will seek Your kingdom first, knowing that as he does, we will have all we need." (pg.57-58)

These are my fighting words today.

Psalm 37:25 "I have been young and now I'm old; yet, I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread."

Philippians 4:19 "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory, by Christ Jesus."

If He Can Calm the Sea....

then He is capable of calming me.

My boy is hurting. Just when I think all is well and better, knew feelings arise and I get worried. No. Scared.

Choices are made that put my stomach in a knot. I feel sick and want to puke. Anxiety returns and I struggle to breathe. I remember....all those days....

So I stop. Look up. Remember THE day.

*The day my Savior made a way. The special day in a 5 year old's life when His Spirit came to reside.
*The day He brought my beloved into my life.
*The day that I am sprawled on my bed in tears and asking why. My Jesus comes near and touches me.
*The that I learned about my boy. The day I learned he wouldn't be. The  I day held him in my arms.(That was a roller coaster.)
*The day He placed my other three treasures in my arms.
*The day and many more when He is the only hope. He is the only Truth. He is the only Way. He is the only Sustainer of life.
*The day He showed me the simplest promises in His Word.

I wish there was only one day when I surrendered my lamb to the Lord. But there are many. I keep taking him back. I know Jesus is the only Healer of hearts. I fall down to my knees and lay him at the scarred feet of my Savior.

Friends, I ask for your prayers. The next couple of weeks are crucial in some decisions we have to make concerning "Hoss". Please pray for the heavens to open and provide what we need to keep helping our son.

God knows what He is doing. I must just trust. This is the only job I have.

Complete Surrender

As I am reading through Surrender, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, I am struck by the fact that my heart fights against this.

I am prone to anxiety. I am, at times, racked with worry. I have not surrendered my son completely.

I must.

Nancy quotes a poem by Ann Blocher before she went home to be with the Lord. She fought the battle with cancer, and in the midst of this, wrote these beautiful words:

Yes, Lord! Yes and Amen!

"Can you trust Me, child?

Not only for ultimate eternity,

of which you know next to nothing,

and so are not tempted to meddle-

But for the little span of your life between

the Now and Then, where your envision

decline and separations and failures,

impairments, pain, bereavements, disappointments-

Do you find Me qualified to Lord of your last days?

Oh-yes, Lord! YES, Lord! Yes and amen!

Can you trust Me, child?

Not only to synchronize the unthinkable

intricacies of creation-

But to work together for the good the gravities

and tugs within your little orbit,

where your heart is pulled by needs

and lacks you wish, but are destitute, to fill-

Do you find My resources adequate

to feed both the sparrow and you?

Oh-yes, Lord! YES, Lord! Yes and amen!

Can you trust Me, child?

Not only for the oversight of nations

and creations not of this world-

But for those beloved ones I committed

to you and you committed to Me-

Do you believe Me trustworthy to perform

the good work begun in them

until the Day of Jesus Christ?

Oh- yes, Lord! YES, Lord! Yes and amen!"

-pg. 204-205, Surrender by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

When the Night Comes

Darkness is an amazing thing. The Bible has so much to say contrasting light and darkness. Darkness is so often viewed with evil, sin, and deceit. After all, so many crimes happen in the dead of night, not the light of day.


Jesus is the Light of the World. We are to be reflective of THE light and to shine forth our lights. We are to be cities set on hills that cannot be hidden. We are commanded to not put our lights under a bushel. Our Lord is the lamp to our path and a light to our feet. Light dispels all darkness.


When the night comes and darkness sets in, I sometimes feel as if I can't even control my thoughts. Things that I know are not real, become real. Anxiety is strong. Fear takes a foothold. 


So, I can relate to the Psalmist as he cries unto Jehovah:

"When I remember You upon my bed, and meditate on You in the watches of the night, for You have been my help and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy." Psalm 63:6-7

This is my plea as we go through this unknown time with our beloved oldest son. The future is uncertain. We don't know where the finances will come from to keep him in a safe place until he is ready to come home. This is fear. Deep in my gut.


But then, I remember. Peace floods in. Fear tries to creep back and I must push it away. And remember.


So tonight, I will not let my thoughts linger. I will not allow my mind to bring pain to my inner parts. I will remember the faithfulness of God.

Lessons Learned...#3

"Grace and Glory" is recounting the 3rd lesson she has learned while waiting for her hinds' feet. She has been taught some marvelous things by her Shepherd. Things I am being taught as well.



"The third thing that I learned was that, You, my Lord, never regarded me as I actually was, lame and weak and crooked and cowardly. You saw me as I would be when You had done what You promised and had brought me to the High Places, when it could be truly said, 'There is none that walks with such a queenly ease, nor with such grace, as she.' You always treated me with the same love and graciousness as though I were a queen already and not wretched 'Little Much Afraid'."



"Then she looked up into His face and for a little time could say no more, but at last she added, 'My Lord, I cannot tell you how greatly I want to regard others in the same way'."



My Lord, here is Your other handmaiden, "Laden with Fear". Over the last few weeks, You have showered me with grace, mercy, forgiveness and love in a way that I have treasured. For my fearful responses have taken precedence too many times. Your perfect love has cast out my fear. Thank you. The fear wants to still rise up. I need your Word each day to help dispel my worries and anxieties. Help me to regard others, especially "Hoss", in the light of who You are. I love You, my Perfect Shepherd. Lead me on.

Casting Our Cares

Today, God has encouraged me with this.

Our Gracious Master knows what we need when we need it.

Kay Arthur said, "When we fail to trust God, we reject His power."

Cast your cares on Him today, friend. He wants your load. He wants you to rest in Him.

My New Life Verse

 Jeremiah 17:7-8

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree firmly planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green; and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit".

Do you fear or trust? Even when it seems you are the only tree out there?

Are your roots planted by the living water so even when the heat of the fiery trials come, your leaves remain green?

When anxiety comes, will you continue to yield fruit?