Finding a Little Gem of Hope

As I opened up the devotional book to read to my princesses today, I found myself mesmerized by a handwriting from yester-year! A handwritten note with letters that I hadn't seen for quite a while...maybe 12 years ago.

There was a faded highlight over certain words.

Forgive

He loves you

in your place

God has promised

forgiveness

turn away

Jesus as Lord and Savior

I immediately knew who wrote it, and tears came to my eyes. I was full of hope in the knowledge that somewhere deep inside one of my lambs was the introduction of eternal life, sin, hope, salvation, and promise. Somewhere along the way of life he has faltered and allowed many things to crowd out the most essential things. Hurt, pain, anger and idols, among other things, yet I have a renewed confidence in my powerful Savior that He is working all things together. The path looks ugly right now. It hurts.

There is separation and anxiety. There are choices being made that are damaging. But my God is a healer. Lord Jesus, help my unbelief.

But today, I was reminded that over the years, God has been faithful. There is a big boy who at one point in his life was a little boy with a tender heart. And I trust those truths received will not turn void. So I pray again today, as like every day, that God would do the miracle only He can do.

The Life Giving Home

I think all moms want this. A life giving home. A home where all residing feel safe and loved. A home where all negative emotion is kept at bay and all loving and kindness exude from everyone. After all, we know how easy this is to accomplish, right?

NOT!!!!

Sally and Sarah Clarkson, mother and daughter author team of The Life Giving Home, do a very beautiful job of encouraging moms to push as hard as they can to create a beautiful home: physically, spiritually, and emotionally. At first as the reader begins this book journey one word that comes to mind is overwhelming. But keep pushing through. Their transparency comes to light as they remind you, the reader, that it is a daily challenge for them as well. They have set up the book to have each chapter represent a month in the year and give very practical advice and ideas to help develop this "air" in the home. Love, kindness, patience....the fruits of the spirit are essential; as well as, selflessness...something that every person struggles with; intensely, I might add.

Personally, I am a SERIOUS type A personality and struggle to get away from my checklist. This book has helped me to make a list that can help me daily as I help to develop the "who" of the little (and not so little) people in my house.

I am very thankful I came across this read. This is now a staple next to my Bible and nightstand. For I am constantly aware that I need daily refreshers and reminders.

Note: As a part of the Tyndale Blogging Network, I received a free copy of this book.

All I Need is Your Love

Last night we watched the movie, Grace Unplugged.

And as the end drew near, the tears overflowed. Wishing our story could end the same way. Hoping for that outcome.

If you haven't taken time to watch this movie, I would encourage you to do so. It is the story of parents letting go of their adult daughter; allowing her to fail and loving her through the process. The last one in that list is by far the hardest.

We find ourselves on this same journey. And it is so easy to allow anger and bitterness to creep in. Treating these floundering young people as the enemy because they are not living up to our expectations. Or worse yet, rejecting our Jesus. We live with the thoughts of failure as a parent. We question our choices. Our hearts break because we, very possibly, have lived the same journey and are now on the other side. Forgiven and Set Free.

BUT, God is the God of redemption and reconciliation. When I remember and think on all that Christ did for me to reconcile me to Himself. All the forgiveness. All the pain. All the suffering. And He didn't give up. (Before watching this movie, I was at a giving up point. I mean how many times can you keep saying or texting I love you, without a response?) (I look to Christ for the answer to that question.)

At the end of the movie, the parents learn to rejoice in the journey. To embrace their daughters gifts and shower her with love. And that's just what she needed. She already knew the truth and had heard all the lectures words that were spoken in her short lifetime. She needed to find out for herself, but she needed her parents to still be her parents. She didn't need rejection. She didn't need to hear, "I'm the parent; the authority. I am right." one more time. She needed to see the Savior's love lived out in a fashion that was unmistakable. There are times for those much needed words, but as our kids learn to fly, their failures, sins and mistakes turn into the best remedy toward repentance.

The daughter, Grace, sang this song, dedicated to her parents in the very last scene.

My prayer is that my boys would find these words deep in their souls. And cry them out as well. But I know it may be not until they come home filthy.

"Honestly it's time for honesty
My heart is on my sleeve
Oh will You hear me out?
I've got nothing left to give of me
I gave up everything
So there is nothing less to loose from me now
But You forgive me somehow.

I've chased a million things
Bright lights and empty dreams
Now here I am
Right where I thought I wanted to be
I'll trade it all right now
Leave it all and lay it down
To get back to where I belong
Lord, all I've every needed was Your love.

Truth be told I made this world my home
I let it steal my soul, but now I want it back
Cause all I need is waiting
In Your arms a place to hang my heart
Where I am known at last
You're the one true thing I have.

I've chased a million things
Bright lights and empty dreams
Now here I am
Right where I thought I wanted to be
I'll trade it all right now
Leave it all and lay it down
To get back to where I belong
Lord, all I've every needed was Your love.

And I know that I was meant to be
More than just a melody
I know that You had hopes for me
I know you still believe in me.

Lord, all I've ever needed was Your love
Lord, all I've ever needed was Your love."

Happy Mother's Day!

Many years ago, I longed for children and was incredibly depressed on Mother's Day. Many days "Mr. Cartwright" and I would steal away to the beach to just reflect together and grieve.

Today I give thanks for my four precious gifts that God has given me. He fashioned them inside 4 different wombs and placed them in my heart. I know the hearts that belong to the wombs grieve today too. Every day I pray that those "other" mothers would receive healing that only Christ can give.

Even though my womb was never stretched and used in the way God fashioned, my labor was is intense. You see, when adoption is part of your story, labor lasts for 18 years, not 8 hours. The hearts that bore these precious lambs, ache.

But praise God, He is the healer all of these broken hearts.

After all, He is an adoptive Father and knows the journey His adoptive children often flounder on.

So today, my heart is full of thankfulness.

Thankfulness for grace to go through all trials in life.
Thankfulness for four women who willingly or under duress allowed me to become a mama.
Thankfulness for my four love gifts. Two beautiful girls and two amazing boy-men.
Thankfulness for "Mr. Cartwright", who was open and willing to become a colorful family.

I am so incredible thankful for my mama too. Though she is resting in Jesus' arms, He gave me 37 years with her, and it is because of her love for Jesus that I had the direction, parenting and training that I did as a little girl. (Dad, thanks for loving her too.) I sure do miss her.

My heart is just full!

May yours be also.

Gentle Love

I love the little book of Philemon. Such a deep letter from Paul's heart to his fellow brother. As I read these epistle letters to his brothers I like to imagine myself there. Historically there. Without our written word. Relying on the next penned paper to arrive from the leader of the church. Hoping he was still alive. Knowing he would encourage us on in our faith.

Philemon found himself being lovingly admonished to accept back his slave Onesimus, after he ran away. In God's sovereignty, Paul "met" up with this man after he had run from his master. And God used Paul to lead this boy-man to a saving knowledge of Christ. Now Paul has the task of telling his brother, Philemon, that he has found Onesimus and directed him to go back home. As I read this story, I was struck by Paul's loving, but direct command appeal.

Verses 8-10 relay this appeal: "Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love. It is as none other than Paul - an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus - that I appeal to you for my son, Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains."

This struck a chord in my heart because I find myself in a similar place. Those of us that have almost grown children, can find ourselves very often confronting irresponsibility or begging for wisdom on how to handle situations when someone has sinned against us. That's a hard one. When we are sinned against and have every right to come and speak truth, we so often forget the loving  part.

So I find myself particularly intrigued by the way Paul lovingly entreats Philemon. He has lovingly entreated me today too.

Speaking the truth in love is so key to a healthy relationship. We as parents are so used to demanding obedience, for we have every right to. I mean, we are the authority, aren't we? How often have I wanted to say, "You will not question me! You will do what I say, because I am the parent." Yet, God has taught me so much lately in denying my own "rights" and appeal to their own conscience. Obviously, I am talking about grown children. Little ones need much more direction and training and cannot make these decisions. But as our children grow into their own people, and learn to fly (especially getting ready to take off) we must not demand. We must learn to love and exhort.

This takes so much time and energy. Most importantly it takes the knowledge and nohow by being with Jesus.

My Four Favorite People

Thank you, Lord, for these special gifts.

My New Favorite Movie

This week the Ponderosa watched, The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry. This movie is one your whole family can watch and will inspire you to grow in your walk with the Lord.

My Favorite Adoption Picture Books

I love reading to my children. Fiction. Nonfiction. Chapter Books. Picture Story Books.

But by far some of my favorites have been on the topic of adoption. These are some we have added to our own library at home:


Child of Destiny: Matthew Was Adopted is an excellent source for parents to introduce the topic of adoption to children. The author takes you through the process of being born in a different mommy's tummy and ends with how we are given the ability to be adopted into God's family through faith in Jesus Christ.




A Mother For Choco is an adorable book about a little bird trying to find his mother. His quest takes him to all different animals as he pursues his need of love. In the end, he realizes it doesn't matter what his mom looks like. What makes a mom is her heart.








A Blessing From Above is another great book to own and deals with the subject of adoption in a very gentle way, using animals to depict the process. It weaves in the subject matter of birth parents, adoptive parents and reasons that both find themselves where they often do.

Today...

I am thankful for

~ lovingkindness showered on me by my Savior

~ the arm of my knight in shining armor holding me tight

~ truth and kindness spoken from a friend...this is not always easy to hear but necessary

~ This link to test my heart and motives as a woman who desires to be wise

~ my Father, both earthly and heavenly

~ the gift of children...most of us don't realize the dimension of this gift. So many times it starts out as a "self-focused" gift, and ends up changing us more into the image of our dear Lord

~ computers printers that can scan and copy

~ Luke 9:24-25

~ forgiveness; full and free

Little Ones Learn

My littlest one observes, learns and mimics.

As I find her "reading" her book that I just read to her out loud, she sees the hippopotamus making the cookies. But Sophie, the hippo, is not just making any ordinary cookies; these are cookies with wheat. She informs me that this is just what the words say.

Have I told her this? No.

Have I lived this? Yes!

Our children see everything we do. Our walk speaks so much louder than our words. Everything we do we need to view through this lens.

Does my little one see me doing my best for Jesus?

Does she see me doing the things that matter?
Does she hear me gossiping, slandering, and cutting people down?
Does she hear me forgiving and overcoming evil with good?
Does she see me loving my husband by selflessly giving of my time even when I don't feel like it?
Does she see me trusting my Savior even when I am scared of the unknown?
Does she see me loving the unlovable?
Does she see me being patient and kind?

What do your little ones see in you today? May our Ultimate Example help us to shine forth His light especially in our own homes.

They're Gone!

Our beautiful, little baby wrens have gone.

They grew strong enough and gained enough courage to attain higher ground.

We miss them, but will keep the nest warm until next year hoping the Mama and Dada will return to again make their home at the Ponderosa.

I remain steadfast with my little chicks, knowing I have a few more years...learning how to slowly remove my wings around them as they gain their own feathers.

Praying for their courage, too, to one day make a difference in this world.

Wings are Important

Hour after hour we have watched our Mama and Dada wren try to entice their chickadees to take flight.

After the baby birds left the nest, I was under the impression that they would take off right away, but here, three days later, they are still hopping around. We have had to keep our garage door shut because they want to hang out in it.

It is amazing to see the parent's fly to and fro, back and forth continuing to bring food to their hungry mouths.

The Mama will fly to the roof of our home and fly down again trying to reassure and her little ones that they can do it too.

These are many learning moments for this Adoption Mama.

I don't stop being a Mommy just because my little birdies have wings. They must be fully developed and ready to take wing. Just like the baby wrens feel like they are strong enough to leave the nest, our children will crave the same freedom; but need continuing nourishment until they have their adult feathers (wisdom, judgment and discernment) and tail wings (responsibility, trustworthiness and maturity).

My babies may even hit the side of the house as they take off, just like those little baby wrens. But each day they are able to fly a little higher and a little higher. Failure is part of the growing process in both species alike. This must be the most painful part of allowing their own wings to take the place of the warmth of the mother's body.

But much patience is required on the part of the parents.

And much trust in the Lord.

Matthew 6:25-27, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Thankful for More Time!

Our beautiful, baby wrens have been in their little nest for 20 days. They have grown plump and soft, full of feathers that resemble their parents.

Yesterday we found the nest empty, the cute little offspring hopping around the plant where their house was made. They are getting ready to fly the coop.

Their parents are ready too. In fact, as I write this, my littlest one came into the house to inform me they have hopped out of the nest and are meandering around trying to figure out this thing called freedom.


Compared to the human race, those precious birds are born, grow up, and take wing in the blink of an eye.

Most times it seems at this same speed in which I find my own little nestlings growing up. Days, months and years pass so quickly.

Like our beautiful Mommy wren, I must feed my little ones on the Word that satisfies, until they are ready to find food themselves.

I must protect them from the predators, especially those nasty snakes.

However painful this is, I must also prepare them to take wing, even allowing them to fall on their heads as they attempt to leave the nest that I have spent so much time and energy on. As their wings come in, they stretch and yearn to fly. But, much like our inexperienced little wren babies, they seem so lost at times; very scared of the humans around; scurrying to find safety.

But as I attempted to capture their freedom on my camera, they found comfort in each other and eventually took to the air and flew.

I struggle at times to let my own babies learn to fly. I must do this, though; for they must grow their wings and take off. This is part of life.

The Beautiful life God has given.

March Blessings

My life is full. Full of blessings that many days are taken for granted. I sit here at the computer typing with ten fingers, hands that work, a mind that has aged, but is still active.

#90 ~ Wonderful, warm heat that people many years ago did not have the privilege of enjoying, and yet, somehow managed to live life to the fullest.

#91 ~ A special notebook that shares the sacred thoughts between my youngest son and me.

#92 ~ The turn of a doorknob in the wee hours of the morning reminds me my littlest one needs some love

#93 ~ Psalm 103, This is what my cherished family is memorizing.

#94 ~ Our new Friday night ritual: helping out at the Apt. Ministry for our church. Beautiful friends of ours have started a Good News Club for the children that live in low income housing in our town. Lots of hurting faces, lots of needed love.

#95 ~ Our litte red and blue chairs...you know, the little tikes big plastic ones...that carry little feet up high to be in eye range of all that's happening.


#96 ~ Dinner with my in-laws that has become bi-weekly...love sharing food and conversation with them.

#97 ~ curled up feet in front of the space heater...making hearts warmer

#98 ~ Hoppy Toad, Hop!...hearing my "Marie" play this fun song on the piano, makes me want to dance around.

#99 ~ Reminders from my "Proverbs 31" magazine that I need to enjoy my children, not just instruct, teach, correct and discipline.

In the School of the Savior

Many lessons have been learned here at the Ponderosa as we have attended the School of the Savior. Our Teacher happens to be the best that has ever existed. In fact, He has always existed.

We have learned much about ourselves.
We have hearts full of desires to please self, but our Teacher desires us to deny self, take up our crosses daily and follow him.

We have hearts that even deceive ourselves and many times we think we are denying self, when we really have OUR best interests at heart.

Falling apart during trials, we have learned how little we truly trust our Teacher.

Our hearts and minds struggle to meditate on the Perfect Teacher without the pulls of the world invading.
Our hearts boast of great things. We strive to DO much and in the end we are looking for man's praise.

Our teacher wants to be the One we serve.

We are prone to wander.

We have learned much about the Teacher.
He is patient, Oh, so patient.

He wants us to be in love with Him; having our undevoted attention.

Our teacher loves those around us and wants us to love just like Him.

During trials, our Teacher, who has brought them about, wants us to cling to Him as His beloved.

He hung out with the prostitutes, beggars, people with diseases, and the downhearted. He wants to do to the same. Love those who are lost in their sin.

He loves His children so much He was willing to leave His Father's side and take our sin upon Him and give us His righteousness.

He desires our intimate communion with us and promises He can help us achieve that, IF we REALLY want it.

We have been in this school for many years and yet, there is so much more to learn.

Grant us the wisdom and endurance, Lord, to not drop out, to continue to persevere and learn to love you more than we have.

The Love Chapter for Mothers

If I talk to my children about what is right and wrong, but I have not love, I am like a ringing doorbell or pots banging in the kitchen.

And though I know what stages they will go through, and understand their growing pains, and can answer all their questions about life, and believe myself to be a devoted mother, but I have not love, I have nothing.

If I give up the fulfillment of a career to make my children's lives better, and stay up all night sewing costumes and baking cookies at short notice, but grumble about lack of sleep, I have not love and accomplish nothing.

A loving mother is patient with her children's immaturity and kind even when they are not; a loving mother is not jealous of their youth nor does she hold it over their heads whenever she has sacrificed for them.

A loving mother believes in her children; she hopes in each one's individual ability to stand out as a light in a dark world; she endures every backache and heartache to accomplish that.

A loving mother never really dies. As for home-baked bread, it will be consumed and forgotten: as for spotless floors, they will gather dust and heel marks. As for children, right now toys, friends and food are all-important to them. But when they grow up, it will be their mother's love that they will remember and pass on to others. In that way, she will live on.

So care, training and a loving mother reside in a home, these three, but the greatest of these is a loving mother.

~by Dianne Lorang