Those Very Special Women in My Life

Mother's Day is a day that has many mixed emotions. Years ago, I protested this day since my womb was barren and my arms were empty. Now, I usually have a few tears for missing my mom. And a few tears for those dreaded expectations that I seem to have a hard time working through. So this year, I wanted to focus on some pretty special ladies in my life who help me to see past the end of my nose; who are honest and are being used to help me to grow more like Christ.

1. My beautiful older sister, Jenny, you are the epitome of beauty. There are so many wonderful memories of growing up together. I still have the note you sent to me, letting me know all the women in the family were going to be fasting and praying one day a week for me to conceive after I got married. I still cry when I read it. I have seen you grow so much in the Lord. We have memorized James and now we are on to the finishing up of Philippians. Chapter three just about did us both in. HAHA! We have plodded through the ups and downs of life. You have been such a beautiful example of a Godly wife and mother to your three beautiful boys. Happy Mother's Day to my amazing sister and friend.

2. My wonderful, amazing, crazy youngest sister, Melissa. You are a woman of fortitude and determination. God has done incredible things in your life. You have taught me more than you know, and I am so thankful as I see God work in you as He grows you more and more to be like Him. You are honest and thoughtful! (I look at my flower garden chair every day and thank the Lord for you.) You are such a giving person, never expecting anything in return. Thank you for loving me too. By the way, I love laughing with you! We, sure are crazy together!

3. Amber, my sister-in-law, is as close to a sister that you can get. I think back over the years of knowing you and marvel at the growth in your life. You are woman of prayer and such an encourager. You have sent me countless notes reminding me of God's faithfulness and surrounding me with prayers. Thank you for being part of our family.

4. Chrissie, Wow! I can't believe how long we've known each other. We each had about half of our families back then and it has been a joy to love you and mother right along with you. Even though we see less of each other, you will forever be an integral part of my life. I have cried with you. I have laughed with you. You have housed our family and children at times we needed an extra roof. You have been profoundly generous with your time and use our time to speak truth into each other lives. Thank you dear friend.

5. Rachel.  ..... Prayer. That's the mark of our friendship and for this I am grateful. I love our early Friday mornings together lifting up our families before the Lord. We have seen answered prayer and it is so faith-building. You have such a giving spirit. Thank you for teaching me crochet and all those hours of sipping dunkin, baring our souls, making those squares, amidst the cries of, "Mommy....." Although you have moved our of state, you are forever in my heart.

6. Myra, I am honored to be your friend. You inspire me to love Jesus more. You know just when to give me a word of exhortation, and do it with love. You exude Jesus. You sacrifice each day in the service to your family and to our local body. Without ever complaining. Thank you for your example.

7. Mary Ann Puebla. As a mother-in-law, you are one of a kind. I have come to know your heart. One that truly loves your family. One who, although at times, doesn't know how to say it, perseveres and says it: "Love ya." You have given me a husband, your son, who cherishes me and loves me. Your son is all I have ever wanted in a husband. Thank you for including me into the family 20 years ago. And for loving me in those special ways.

8. And lastly, Heather. God blessed me just a few months ago with your friendship. You have taught me so much in a short amount of time about patience and fortitude. God sent you at such an important time in my life. There are so many things that He knew I needed help muddling through and knew you would have first hand experience with. Thank you for giving into my life and those of my girls. Thank you for being a true woman of faith. One who shares Jesus and lives what she shares.

God has blessed me with many others as well, but wanted to just shout out a special thanks to these gals. Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

Special Gifts

Yesterday was one of the best Mother's Days I've ever had.

All six of us were together worshiping in church. My beautiful "Marie" followed her Savior in obedience and was baptized. What a precious gift.

My sweet littlest gave me a precious homemade card and wildflowers.

My Oldest gave me his very first card just signed by him and picked out for me. (He hand wrote a message too; not just signed by him.) He also gave me an apron...I guess he must like my job. :)

My "Little Joe" agreed to have his picture taken alone with me. And put his arm around me...Whoa!

 This is a feat in itself. You understand this if you have teenage boys.

And My lover gave me the most beautiful card in 20 years together. He also bought me and the girls place tickets to spend time with my sister in Tennessee this summer. It's been 6 years since I've been able to do this. We can't wait!

Happy Mother's Day!

Many years ago, I longed for children and was incredibly depressed on Mother's Day. Many days "Mr. Cartwright" and I would steal away to the beach to just reflect together and grieve.

Today I give thanks for my four precious gifts that God has given me. He fashioned them inside 4 different wombs and placed them in my heart. I know the hearts that belong to the wombs grieve today too. Every day I pray that those "other" mothers would receive healing that only Christ can give.

Even though my womb was never stretched and used in the way God fashioned, my labor was is intense. You see, when adoption is part of your story, labor lasts for 18 years, not 8 hours. The hearts that bore these precious lambs, ache.

But praise God, He is the healer all of these broken hearts.

After all, He is an adoptive Father and knows the journey His adoptive children often flounder on.

So today, my heart is full of thankfulness.

Thankfulness for grace to go through all trials in life.
Thankfulness for four women who willingly or under duress allowed me to become a mama.
Thankfulness for my four love gifts. Two beautiful girls and two amazing boy-men.
Thankfulness for "Mr. Cartwright", who was open and willing to become a colorful family.

I am so incredible thankful for my mama too. Though she is resting in Jesus' arms, He gave me 37 years with her, and it is because of her love for Jesus that I had the direction, parenting and training that I did as a little girl. (Dad, thanks for loving her too.) I sure do miss her.

My heart is just full!

May yours be also.

Mother's Day 2011

It was a great Mother's Day yesterday. Breakfast in bed....you must note that "Cochise" also joined in the festivities. I love my little family.

Motherhood...

is truly a gift. And as I have aged, I have come to realize it doesn't just apply to blood relation or even adoption. I know a few older women who I have come to love as a mother prototype.

With all this said, I miss my mom. Time has healed some, but the longing to pick up the phone and talk to her is just as strong. She was a rock for our family. She gave of herself and loved her children and grandchildren to the fullest.

So, today on Mother's Day I remember her.

I also remember him.

And miss him, too.

Therefore my thoughts go heavenward, knowing that my Jesus holds all things in His hands. My precious Mom is with Jesus and my treasure may think he is far away from his Maker, but I am confident my Sovereign Lord is working...even in the pain and hurt and wrong choices.

I am honored to be a Mother. This was my heart's desire from the time I was a little girl. I didn't know how this would come to pass, but Oh, I am thankful for the gifts that have been entrusted to me.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

Changing the Focus

Mother's Day has always been a day of struggling with expectations. In the past, I would often find myself wishing for more accolades (I know, how selfish) and not focusing on what is important. This year, with the home-going of Mom, the Lord has helped me to have a heart of contentment and gratitude. There are so many precious gifts that I have been given by my Creator.

Saturday, I received a beautiful bouquet of roses from my Dad. What a surprise!

Yesterday I woke up to breakfast in bed prepared by little sleepyheads and my wonderful hubby. The tray also provided me with 2 amazing cards...."Thank you for teaching me Mommy." "I'm glad you're my Mommy."

And, words that I hold precious from my love.

I was also given a Book (I've read before but my copy was falling apart) that holds the keys to all contentment and love. Words that are inspired and full of truth. This Book I will read each day and thank my Master for His precious gift.

There was five minutes of the day that were spent talking to one who I miss so much. He continues to do well. His Dad and I will be traveling to see him in two weeks. Please pray that we would have wisdom in our speech and actions.

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day I find so very difficult. The two most difficult trials I have yet faced can affect this day, if I let them get the best of me.

I was asked by leadership at church to speak and give a brief testimony of being a daughter and a mother.

The Lord brought this to my heart:

"Most of you know that my mom passed away 2 weeks ago, on April 21st. This mother’s day holds much sadness for me, but also much joy. My mother was a woman who loved God and others with all her heart. She had a passion to share Christ with others even up to the very night Christ took her home. Eight hours before her death, she was sharing Christ with a co-worker who called. Though she really struggled to breathe in the end and had a lot of medication in her, she was still determined to let anyone know who called or came by that they, too, would die one day and could be assured that they could also go to heaven if they had a relationship with her Savior. I was raised by this precious woman (and my dad, too) who took me to a nursing home every week when I was young. I remember combing the ladies’ hair and putting nail polish on their fingers as mom shared the best news she could, salvation through Jesus. Mom held 5 Day Clubs each summer when I was younger and ministered to all the moms whose children attended. My mom had fears, many that stemmed from childhood and not being raised in a Godly home. She would have admitted she was a pessimist at heart, but during the last few weeks of her life, she conquered all. She never showed any fear during the time of her life where she had every “right” to be fearful. She praised Jesus with her heart and even her lips during the 2 ½ weeks I was there taking care of her. She thanked Jesus every day, all day for bringing her into the very last valley she would face. She never complained. Christ was glorified.

Mother’s Day is about celebrating my mother and also, celebrating the mother I have become, only because of Jesus. And, yet, again, this brings me back to my mom. I wanted nothing more than to be the mom she was. At first, I thought this was never to be. God closed my womb, but, in turn, opened my heart. And this again was in large part due to the example of my precious mom. She and my dad took in the orphans for many years as I was growing up…mostly teenagers. They became foster parents only 2 years after they became believers. The Lord showed me pure and undefiled religion through her actions.

And now, I find myself mom to 4 precious children who were birthed in my heart. This act of love was acted out for me and I am forever grateful. Being a mom brings such joy, but also such pangs of grief. There are joys of hearing, “I love you, Mommy.” There are days of nothing but dirty clothes, dirty dishes, dirty floors and even dirty feet. But so much blessedness comes from being there to whisper prayers of healing and hurt, to utter forgiveness and teach the truths of God’s Word. It is a grueling task that brings emotional, physical, mental and even spiritual exhaustion. But this gift of motherhood is a gift I am eternally blessed to own.

In closing, I would like to thank you for praying for our family in the last month, as well as the last year. Such trial has come our way, but joy has definitely come too. We have grieved with the loss of our son from our home and the physical loss of my mom from our lives. Both of these losses have refined me and are what our Lord is using to make me a better mom…one that resembles my Savior more. God remains so faithful. "Hoss" is doing so well. He is learning to place his trust in Christ. He was able to talk to mom and write to her, even encouraging her with some Scriptures. She went to be with Jesus with the knowledge that Christ has begun a miracle in his life that she was on her knees daily petitioning the Father for.

Tears flow daily for all these things. Joy erupts as well. Praise be to our Heavenly Father."