Happy 18th Birthday, Little Joe

So I am a little late.

Sunday, May 1st, "Little Joe", turned 18 years old. And with it came much rejoicing. Not just for the age achieved, but for a return home.

Little Joe,

Here we are. You are now the "magical" number; yet so much has happened in the last couple of months that has proven this number doesn't mean a whole lot.

I can't believe that it has been 18 years. You have grown into an amazing young man with so much talent and personality given to you by your Creator. I know there are many unknowns in your life that you desire answers to that I just can't give you. But I do know the One who has the answers and is the best guide to impart wisdom into your life. 

I know hard lessons were learned over the past few weeks. Lessons that I could never have taught you. Sometimes life is the best teacher. Oh, how difficult it is as a parent to sit and watch this process, but having an incredible God who hears my every prayer made it much easier. This same God is the one who stands with open arms to all who call upon His name. Praise Jesus!

Many times I watch you talking and I can still see your adorable pudgy baby cheeks and those big eyes that seem to take everything in all at once. I close my eyes and think back to 18 years ago in October when you came into our lives. Oh, my heart is filled with thanksgiving! He gave me a beautiful son who has taught me so much about life and myself. You have taught me how to love better. You have taught me how to appreciate all aspects (and genres) of music and I love hearing your fingers move up and down on those guitar necks.

You gave me a gift this birthday. You came home. I pray as we dance through this next season in life, you will lean heavily on the unseen dance partner. The One who wants your whole heart. The One who loves you more than I do. The One who says, "Call unto Me and I will answer you and show you what great and awesome things I can do."

I love you, "Little Joe." Happy Birthday!

Letters of Encouragement

This week marks a special time in the life of a special ministry. Joni and Friends is a unique ministry started by Joni Earickson Tada after her life was radically changed by a swimming accident 40+ years ago. She is quadriplegic who testifies daily of God's grace in her life via her radio spot.

The girls and I have been listening to it via podcast weekly and it has become a great thing to catch up on while we are on the road too. Joni is one of my spiritual heroes. She has truly been used in so many ways to speak the truth of God's Word and His will.

This week on her program she has started a series called, Hearts for the Handicapped. Each day, for a week, she highlights a special family, and gives the listener an opportunity to write to encourage that family. The disabilities may include anything from autism to paralysis.

So as part of our school week we have incorporated a time to pray and write to these families.

It gives us perspective.

The Last Page

Well, not really. But kinda.

It is January 28th. Another Happy Gotcha Day. For Hoss. His 18th.

Every year since the day we received our little munchkins, we have added pages to their Happy Gotcha Day books. Just a simple photo book. The first few memories are pictures of the "final court date". The date the papers were signed that they are ours. Then each year after that we celebrate by doing something as a family, which usually includes food. In the later years it was JUST food. We write them a letter expressing our gratitude to the Lord and listing many reasons we are grateful.

Because of some teen struggles, Hoss has empty pages, except for our yearly letters which were sent to him via mail and also copied and put into his book. 

With the beauty of the journey comes pain. 

With joy comes sorrow. 

With age comes questions. 

With time comes answers...in the right time. 

So today we write his letter and chow down on some chicken tenders. We close his book with this final page. But praise the Sovereign Creator the end of the story isn't over. Praise Him that He has written it and we can trust him.

There are still lots of questions. Not so much anger. Plenty of laughs. Seldom tears. 

Our dear Hoss,

One book closes and another opens. We are celebrating your 18th Happy Gotcha Day! We remember like it was yesterday. Those tiny fingers. Your constant cooing. Your soft, curly hair. Your early words that charmed our hearts. The "I love yous". The funny times with your siblings. Then one day, you grew up. Where has time gone?

You are closer than ever to understanding a parent'


s heart. One day, you will probably be a parent. You may feel the need for more answers. We are here for you whatever and wherever the answers find you. 

We love you. Three little words that mean so much! 

We do.

Lovingly,Your daddy and mommy

Our Story in Brief

Some of you have followed the last 5 years of our lives, but may have never put together or been told our story. The following is a letter I submitted to a magazine that focuses on family, adoption and life.

Dear Nancy,

Let me start by saying how much I have been encouraged by your Above Rubies magazine. I love your focus on adoptive families and the gift of life. As my husband and I were looking over the new issue last night, he said to me, "You should write an article featuring our story." I have been blogging for the last 5 years about it, but feel like maybe I can be a voice to those who have struggled with the same things. 

We are an adoptive family. We are an multi-cultural family. All four of our adopted children are African American.  My husband and I have been married for 20 years this year. After many surgeries due to endometriosis, we started the adoption process for our oldest. This was our first and only private adoption. Our son, Joshua, was born on December 21, 1996. He was born in another state so we anxiously awaited that phone call. But our hopes were dashed as his birth mother changed her mind. God took us through that roller coaster and after 5 weeks she changed her mind again and he was placed in our arms. 

Twenty two months later, our second son, Nate, came into our lives at 5 months old. He was part of the foster care system and struggled with attachment reactive disorder until 5 years old. God's grace is the only way we were able to get through those years. But through those dark days, God called us to home school. The furthest thing is my mind was "being with that child" all day. But God changed my heart and showed me that's exactly what he needed.

Just over two years later, the department of family services called us and told us about a little special needs girl who needed a home. Esther was 22 months at that time. Since they knew we already had adopted African American children they thought of us. Esther had/has fetal alcohol syndrome and was failure to thrive. After one year of being our daughter, tests were run to rule out Autism, and it was discovered she had ACC (Agensis of the Corpus Collosum). In layman's terms, the central part of the brain in your Corpus Collusum. Hers is missing. This part holds 500,000,000 connectors to both hemispheres of your brain. We have been told she should be in a wheelchair not walking or talking. She "appears" normal to those who don't know her well. She struggles mostly with developmental/schooling delays and some social issues. But she is a miracle. Love is an amazing thing!

Now, having 3 children with a span of 2 years of age among them, I was overwhelmed for quite a while. There were many days of therapies and struggling to seemingly survive the emotional struggles. Little did we know that this would be a small part of the rest of our story.

In 2005, we received a phone call from a local pregnancy center about needing a family for a special needs 10 month old boy who would be placed privately. He had kidney failure as well as crossed eyes and severe developmental delay. He was like a newborn. We prayed about it and felt God's leading. Within two weeks, we had our home study done and were traveling 2 hours away to pick him up. The adoption laws in the state we live allow for the birth mother to change her mind within 3 days, if the child is over 6 months old. On the third day, we received a call from our attorney stating the unthinkable. She had changed her mind. This was a very tough place. My husband rose to the occasion and the next morning met our attorney and the birth mother at the train depot. They exchanged signatures for our precious Elisha that we had grown to love like our own. I am so grateful for my husband who used that opportunity to proclaim Jesus to Elisha's birth mom. Two weeks later we received a phone call from a deputy stating, "....there is an investigation into a little boy's death." Yes, Elisha had passed away in her care. I struggled with anger and resentment to the Lord. But eventually, He helped me to see that my sweet baby is with him and better off than the life he would have had. He also worked on my heart dealing with the idols that had formed in my own life.

The good news is that having Elisha in our home opened our hearts up to adoption again. In September 2005 a little girl was born and two years later she would become ours. Hannah was placed in our home after two years of foster care.  She was a crack baby with lots of hurting places. But thankful we have been granted to raise her.

Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is also messy. Our boys hit the teen years with rejection and identity issues surfacing. Anger became out of control. We chose for our oldest to attend a Christian boarding school for a few years to protect him from himself. These were so very difficult years. The ache that happened in ourselves but most of all him was so painful. 

Hannah struggles with severe ADHD and outbursts of anger. Parenting adopted children brings a whole new set of issues. There is so much hurting and open wounds that seem to take years to work through...really until adulthood.

We have come to know the daily struggles that come along side raising adopted children. It can be a lonely place, where others don't understand. We have faced judgment on our parenting as well as struggled with fear of man...."what do people think?", which we still fight daily. So many times, adoption is viewed through rose colored glasses. It is so messy at times, but adoption is the brightest light we can shine that exemplifies the Gospel, for isn't that the picture Christ gives about our relationship with Him? Our parenting of these special kids has been greatly affected by grace. For how often do we spurn God's grace and parenting of us? How often do we choose defiance and rebellion? Yet, He keeps pursuing us. He keeps showering us with His love. He never lets go or gives us back up.

A Family Letter

Dear Friends,

       Life has taken a few steps back...well, maybe more than a few. "Hoss" is struggling. So am I, for that fact. I don't know what the future holds. I pretend more often than I'd like to admit that I am trusting and remembering God's faithfulness, but I am floundering. Very badly. Many of you know our story and have followed it for almost 4 years now.

Wow! Four years!

But I feel so burdened by the unknown. So I am begging for your prayers. Please pray that I would really trust. That I would not doubt. That I would believe. Please pray that Satan would take his grip off of our son. That God would open his eyes. That Christ would take preeminence in our whole family.

In the last couple of weeks, we have felt spiritually attacked. Satan so desires to sift us. He desires to bring a small tear in our family that can turn into a canyon. But we know God is bigger and stronger. He has used the past to refine us.

But can I just be honest? I'm tired! O.K. I know the truth. I know my strength must come from Him. I am so prone to fear, anxiety and worry. I want to trust. Please pray that I would. Please pray that I would live in joy for my Savior as well as the rest of the Ponderosa.

So I sit back and read this post and ask myself, "Haven't I been here before?" And I answer myself, "Yes, I have."

Thank you in advance for your prayers and lifting our family up to the God who knows all, sees all, and uses all for His glory.

Because Of Jesus,
"Mrs. Cartwright"

Thank you, Jesus, for your patience with me, Your daughter who struggles to trust in You. Remind me of your love and perfect timing, justice and truth.

An Interesting "Letter"

An easy, heart-warming read.

Dear Deb, written by Margaret Terry, is a memoir of letters the author wrote to a friend fighting the ravages of cancer. Reading these letters takes you inside the author's life and story of childhood all the way through raising children and going through the trials of life. As I read this book, I imagined myself to be Deb, the friend fighting cancer. I imagine the simplicity of the letters as well as how heart-deep the letters were must have been a daily thing for Deb to look forward to. Deb and the author-friend, Margaret, believed for a miracle for both of them. These letters contain stories that every person in life can relate to. There can be a happy ending at the end of life's ups and downs.

But as a Christian, I know true miracles come from my Father above, not believing in myself or working extra hard to attain them myself. I'm not sure where Deb or Margaret find themselves spiritually, but I know I have nothing to gain in and of myself, especially when going through trials. I had hoped to hear more about Christ's strength through both of these women. A little disappointed in that, however, I appreciate the author's vulnerability in sharing her life with us.

As part of the Booksneeze blogging network, I received a free copy of this book.

Her First "love letter"

Our beautiful little "Inger" has written her first letter to her big bro...who is so far away. Precious.

God is Working....even Through the Hard Times

I am still up in Tennessee taking care of Mom.

She received a letter from my precious big man. He is showing so much great progressin developing godly character.

She was encouraged by the following words of God that he included in the letter. This gave her assurance before the Lord takes her home that her grandson is growing in his love for the Lord.

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Revelation 14:13 "And I heard a voice from heaven, saying, 'Write, Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on!' 'Yes,' says the Spirit, 'so that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them.'"