Fire, Water and Fear

Sometimes in my life, there are 2 x 4 moments. (As in boards)

God confirms a truth that I need to grasp in my life and does it by various means.

Mr. Spurgeon has been feeding "Mr. Cartwright" and I each evening with God's Word. Lately we have been in Isaiah 43.

¹But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

I have felt engulfed by flames. I have felt without a shadow of a doubt that my head is below water. These things have I felt, but have really not known. For my God is able to sustain me. I must speak to my soul and say, "This is not truth."

Last week my dear friend, Patty, sent me a card that was full of encouragement and guess what? Yup. The verses on the inside of the card were the same.

So today, in the midst of being on my back for 3 days with a pulled muscle, my mind was struggling to fight. I was listening to a podcast from Revive our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She was interviewing Angie Smith, the wife of Todd Smith of the Christian group, Selah. A few years ago she delivered a baby that died. She has since written a book called, I Will Carry You. She explained her journey and how God was enough for her as she went through this extreme trial. She read Isaiah 43:1-3.

Right there, the tears began to flow. As I heard her say, " we do not see the depth of God's Word. We take for granted these specific promises He give us," I grabbed my head and held myself, crying.

For I know as my oldest lamb is far away, my God is near. My heart aches daily and I fight. My thoughts of the "what ifs" and "what will happen when the year comes up" pound my mind too often. Then I find myself wondering if my God is big enough. Anxiety. I fight.

He will send the fires and floods, but He will carry me through.

His Comfort

Genesis 24:67 Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

I was struck reading this yesterday...and a little ashamed,too.

Do we wives really understand our beloveds?

I can tend to get so into myself and needs that I forget he even has feelings.

So many times he is so strong that I don't see the need to comfort him.

Yet, when those times of need come, I am and should be his first source of human comfort.

As we have gone this journey of the prodigal, my lover has hurt deep. Really deep.

This takes selflessness to come out of my pain and ask God to help me be his healer.

I am blessed with a man who cherishes and loves me. I am blessed to be his beloved.

Help me, Lord, to love him and hold him close, especially those times he needs physical comfort.

In Route....

"Mr. Cartwright" and "Hoss" are in route to "Hoss'" new home for a while. Agape Boarding School will be his refuge and shelter. And I find mine in my Savior. I have walked this lonely road just under 2 years ago. I have shed many tears. But my Jesus remains faithful. And I must too. To all around me. My other children, but especially my dear husband and has carried the load of the last week all alone. Please continue to pray for our family. God is faithful!

A Phone Call

Today, my phone rang. I picked it up and heard,

"Thanks. Mom." (choking up)

This was the best thanks I have ever heard.

"Mr. Cartwright" picked up "Hoss" today and will be headed home tomorrow.

My Hero

He is the man I wake up with every morning...but I have the option to go back to sleep for a wee bit longer. He doesn't. The sounds of alarm arouse him before the sun rises.

Ready to work.

Work for his family. Work so I can stay home with my precious children. Work so I can home school.

Today is our 16th Anniversary.

The days slip away. Uninvited events occur. Time gets lost.

But, he remains constant. So many things have happened in the last sixteen years.

Babies are lost. Adoptions are interrupted. Death is awakened. Feelings are hurt. Emotions are raw.

But, he remains constant.

He does this, you see, because he knows the One who upholds him. He is looking to the Wise Leader so he can lead us. He is being herded by the Chief Shepherd, so he can take be the tender guide to his little flock.

"Mr. Cartwright", I love you. You are truly a gift I do not deserve. I am thankful for each day we have together...the hard times and the good. Please know my love is steady and sure.

Raising Leaders

My servant leader. My cherisher. My lover. My husband.

He carries so much each day, as he lives to love and works to nurture, protect and provide.

He has two young men looking to him to be the example they need, to do the same as they grow up.



My precious Lord,
As my best friend and lover extends himself to be all to those around him, please cover him with your protection, in mind, body and spirit. May You lead him as he leads us. Please give him the wisdom he needs to make the daily decisions to guide us. May his heart be ever dependent on you. May his mouth speak only what is true and right. May his mind think on your Word. Each day he cries to you. I know you hear him. Please remind Him of your love for him in tangible ways. Give him courage to go against the flow, especially in raising his boys. He wants their hearts. I know you must have them first.

I am so thankful, Jesus, for this man whom you have given me. Help me to show appreciation in the big and little things. Help me to love him more important then myself. Help me to obey and submit to what he desires, for it is done unto you.

Shepherd him as he shepherds us.

First Memories

(To those of you who know we really aren't back from Missouri yet, I scheduled this to be posted before we left. I couldn't let this day go by.)

Today 17 years ago, God graciously brought my love into my life.

We had been friends for a couple of months. I was facing an important and uncertain surgery that could have had a possibly serious diagnosis. This servant-leader of mine invested in so much of my life at that time, helping me to keep focused on the Lord and trust Him for the outcome. After my surgery, he visited me every day in the hospital as well as at home.

Then the turning point came. As I was recovering at home one evening, "Mr. Cartwright" came over. I thought this was to be a very normal visit; Bible reading, prayer and just chatting. As we finished up reading, he presented me with one single red rose. (Along with the rose, he handed me a cute plush rendition of Barney the Purple Dinosaur....I don't tell too many people that, so please keep it to yourself :)

I knew then, that this precious young man would be my husband one day. (Back then I wouldn't have used the word young....there is 8 1/2 years between us...but as we both age, I definitely would say we were much more full of youth!)

I am so thankful for this precious gift. He makes me feel cherished and special. He gives of himself so freely to his family. He is such a hard worker both at his place of employment and our abode.

I love you so much, "Mr. Cartwright".

Fishers of Men

It was a beautiful day out. As the Ponderosa headed out to fish, my heart's prayer was that my little people would see their Mama fishing for men, too.

We spent a couple hours at the pond hoping there would be some bites. No fish seemed to need our food we were supplying. Do those out in the "big pond" know that we have the Bread of Life? Do they realize we have the answer to their hunger and thirst? Do we tell them? This can help you as you attempt to help them see that they even have a need.

Finally, we had a couple of nibbles; just a couple of beautiful baby bluegills. My little women caught them. O, Master, give my daughters hearts of truth. Give them courage to stand strong in a world of hate and lawlessness. Give them love for the lawless.

Their hands are small, but can learn so much. Timing is the key to fishing. They must learn how to watch the bobber, and gently, pull the line in. Father God, give my children discernment to know truth from lies. Keep their eyes focused on you and not the world around them.

Giver of life, help us to be in the world and not of it. May we not be so separated that we fear coming nose to nose with unbelievers. Help us to love those of the world, by having compassion on their souls, not condemning them for their way of life. For we were once with out You, and you showed us much mercy.

The leader of the Ponderosa has always loved fishing, both for fish and men. He has been such an amazing example to this family as he has such compassion for the needs of the lost, and doesn't hesitate to share the truth of God's Word with others.

God Almighty, grant my husband the courage to lead this little flock.

4th of July ~ Missouri Style

"Mr. Cartwright" and "Little Joe" surprised "Hoss" this weekend.

And, boy, was he surprised. Agape Boys' Ranch had a big day planned for the boys and families that were visiting. "Little Joe" has had a hard time lately, missing his big brother...and I mean BIG!!! Looking at these pictures it is amazing that there is only 16 months between them. "Hoss" just keeps growing and growing....remember he is only 13 years old. God continues to work in his life and we are so thankful for that.

"Hoss" was able to participate in the first 2010 rodeo event at Agape. He is the boy with the orange bandana on . This was the chute dogging event. He was able to grab the steer by the head and hold him eventually so the other boys on his team could grab the tag on his tail.

Brothers together again...just for a day...

Dad and son....forever....bound by ties that will never break.

The fireworks display was one of professional quality. The show lasted for about 45 minutes and the grand finale was truly grand. This was the first time in 10 months that "Hoss" was able to see the moon and the night sky.

Happy Birthday, Dear!

How do I begin to tell you how honoured I am
To have you in my life?
I'll start by saying it was a dream come true
The day I became your wife.


You're my best friend in the good times
And my rock in times of sorrow.
You're the reason for sweet yesterdays
And my promise for tomorrow.


I never thought I could feel this loved
Until I became your wife.
You made this year and each other year
The best of my life.


Happy Birthday, "Mr. Cartwright"

I love you!

This is funny!?!

We are discussing laughter today with MyCup2Yours . Unfortunately, so many times I have laughed unceasingly, it was over a "you had to be there" moment. I will try to recapture that moment...

A few Christmas ago, my mother-in-law bought my husband some t-shirts. Now, these are not your normal Fruit of the Loom, or Hanes t-shirts. They reminded me of what an 80 year old man would wear....ribbed tanks that extended down the body somewhere around mid thigh, maybe even to the knee.


Well, being the great guy that "Mr. Cartwright" is, he proceeded to head to the bedroom and give one and all a "fashion show". He came out with this "beautiful", white, ribbed tank on that really did go down to mid thigh level, so needless to say they covered his shorts up. Did I forget to mention he had on dress socks and dress shoes? (The mental picture I an conjuring up is causing great laughter, even now.) Needless, to say, he has never worn those t-shirts again, except to make me laugh.

Occassionally he puts one on and hikes his pants up passed his navel and strutts around the house.

O.K., so "did you have to be there?"

I love this man!

(Yes, I did get his permission. He read it and laughed again)

Forever Mine

My heart is so full of love for this man. My heart is so full of thankfulness to God
for allowing him to be my soul-mate. God has brought trials our way, big trials, this year...this draws us closer. Praise God for his grace.

I am cherished and loved beyond anything I deserve.