A Piece of My Heart

It is not supposed to be this way! It's time to let one of my lambs out of the pasture and find his way, but this is not happening in a way that is peaceful, nor hopeful, humanly speaking. My lamb is 19 and feels ready to face the wolves and thorns out there.

Deep down inside, I know he is not ready.

He may end up on a steep precipice bleating for help.

Parenting these lambs is so difficult. I want to be that person reaching down to save him. I want to keep him from falling any farther. My heart breaks as choices are made despite the edge he sees. There is no face to this man reaching down to help, but I know the only face that belongs to him. My God. My Savior. My Shepherd. At times my belief that he will be saved waivers. My hope diminishes.

This week I heard a message about 1 Corinthians 13 expounding on what true agape love is. My whole life I have heard sermons describing love. I have attended wedding after wedding where this Scripture was read aloud. Beautiful.

But, listen to this. LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS! LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS!

Emotions entangle truth. They drown it out altogether sometimes. So I have to go back to the Word that is the Breath of Life. The Bread that satisfies. The Living Water that quenches. I must believe because I love. I must hope because I love.

The pig sty may have a new visitor eventually. But I BELIEVE that God will pluck him out and set him on the road back home. I have hope in my Heavenly Father.

The skies have flown him to another state all together. I thought there would be no goodbyes. No see you laters. No hugs. No thank yous. No peace. But at least, I did get a hug with a mumbled, "I love you too."

My God's people are everywhere. My prayer during this separation is that God will search him out and not let him rest. That God will be the Hound of Heaven pursuing him at every turn.

Please pray for him too.

He Will Carry You

Luke 15: 4-7 "What man of you having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, I have found my sheep which was lost.'"



My friends, how often when we feel lost and have taken a few steps backward into a miry mess in our spiritual lives, do we think we have to go and find the Master Shepherd? Our Good Shepherd does not want us to repent in our own self-righteous way; nor, does he expect us to find our way back to Him. He gently finds us and carries us back to the fold.


We bleat and fight along the way, so many times, lost in our waywardness and unbelief. Then, we hear the Shepherd's voice. Our hearts should still. We feel His footsteps and should eagerly wait for Him. For, you see, He will carry us back. He will guide us.


My lost lamb is wandering, alone and afraid. I know the joy of the Shepherd, first hand, and I so want him to experience this too. So I knock again on the gate to the fold shouting, "My Good Shepherd, hear my cry. My little lamb is lost. Please search him out and find him." 


He reassures me, " In my timing daughter. I have all these things in my hand."


I will trust.

Sad yet Happy

The Puebla Ponderosa received a package in the mail today. I never thought pictures could bring such joy, yet such deep sorrow.

The youngest holds it close to her heart without letting go, kissing it profusely, and went into hysterics when she thought she'd lost it.

Lord, thank you for not losing me, keeping me close to you. Please find my lost lamb. I know you know where he is. Bring him into the fold, Lord. Break his legs if need be, but please bring him in.