A Piece of My Heart

It is not supposed to be this way! It's time to let one of my lambs out of the pasture and find his way, but this is not happening in a way that is peaceful, nor hopeful, humanly speaking. My lamb is 19 and feels ready to face the wolves and thorns out there.

Deep down inside, I know he is not ready.

He may end up on a steep precipice bleating for help.

Parenting these lambs is so difficult. I want to be that person reaching down to save him. I want to keep him from falling any farther. My heart breaks as choices are made despite the edge he sees. There is no face to this man reaching down to help, but I know the only face that belongs to him. My God. My Savior. My Shepherd. At times my belief that he will be saved waivers. My hope diminishes.

This week I heard a message about 1 Corinthians 13 expounding on what true agape love is. My whole life I have heard sermons describing love. I have attended wedding after wedding where this Scripture was read aloud. Beautiful.

But, listen to this. LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS! LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS!

Emotions entangle truth. They drown it out altogether sometimes. So I have to go back to the Word that is the Breath of Life. The Bread that satisfies. The Living Water that quenches. I must believe because I love. I must hope because I love.

The pig sty may have a new visitor eventually. But I BELIEVE that God will pluck him out and set him on the road back home. I have hope in my Heavenly Father.

The skies have flown him to another state all together. I thought there would be no goodbyes. No see you laters. No hugs. No thank yous. No peace. But at least, I did get a hug with a mumbled, "I love you too."

My God's people are everywhere. My prayer during this separation is that God will search him out and not let him rest. That God will be the Hound of Heaven pursuing him at every turn.

Please pray for him too.

My Great God

I got to thinking today, in the midst of many tears, how great a God I serve. My world as I know it has changed and there are times I want to lay down my head and not ever, ever lift it back up. But, I know I must persevere. So I choose to thank God today that:


~He supplies all of my needs, both great and small.
~He is sovereign and in control and ALL and I need not fear tomorrow.
~no matter what I feel, I can look to the truth of God's Word and use it to conform my thoughts to that truth.
~He knows what is best for me because if I acted on what I thought was best for me, my spiritual life would be completely stagnant.
~He has given me a Godly, spiritual servant-leader who guides this family in the truth.
~He sees my wayward son right where he is, even though I don't.
~He has blessed me with everything spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus.
~He has given me everlasting life that starts right now.
~He continually sanctifies me, though I continue to sin.
~He promises to never leave me and that keeps me from feeling forsaken, even when everything around me screams it.
~He is my Good Shepherd who at times must break me to mend me.