I don't have an answer that will fill your anxious heart.
You tell me, "I want to know. I want to know now."
I say, "You won't believe me."
I say, "You must trust me as your mom."
"Hoss" continues to hurt and be full of anger at the unknown, unanswered questions.
I continue to hurt and question whether the first 11 years of his life mattered.
Deep down inside I know the truth. The battle remains. Can't we fast-forward 4 years? Wouldn't that make things easier? I have questions, too, son.
But I turn to the One who holds all the answers to life. I trust.