It's OK to Say, "No."

Saying "no" is usually something I repeat all day long. Questions are asked for permission to do something not in my time table. And no becomes a word I say way too often. And then, do my dismay, I change my mind because I realize I should of said yes to start with. Oh, this is a battle I face almost daily.

So, today I said, "No" to me. I said, "No, we don't have to do math."

"No, I don't have to clean the kitchen right now."

"No, making the bed can wait so a little one and I can snuggle as I read later."



As a homeschool mom, with a Type AAA personality, this is difficult. But when I have a 10 year old who fights every second of school with loud protests, temper tantrums, slamming of doors, etc., I need to do this more often.

So today, I said, "Yes. Let's play a game." "Yes, climb up on the bed with me." We dove into a book that I had sitting on my shelf that I had read to my other lambs but had forgotten about. The Dangerous Journey is a picture
e story book of Pilgrim's Progress. So for 2 hours we laid there and read. Rather, I read and she colored. And we talked about the slough of despond, about the burden that Christian carried and how he needed to get to the place of the cross quickly. We talked about how Mr. Legality would look. We talked about why the burden was so heavy. We closed our eyes and imagined what it would be like to be drowned in think dust, as Christian did in the Interpreter's House. Then we also imagined feeling the water being splashed on us as the dust dissipated and we could breath. The Breath of Life.

This is what school looked like today.

I know every day can't be this way. That's why we are trying out traditional school next year. But for now, I will treasure the rest of the next couple of months. I will strive to make time to make a difference. Just not on paper; but maybe on her heart.

A Very Special Gift

This Christmas our family was given a very special gift. One that my heart is overflowing with gratitude for. Before I can speak more specifically about it, I'm going to tell you a little about the last several years. Many of you have heard and read about it.  But for others this may be the first time you hear about our story.

Like many other families we have had our share of ups and downs. Five years ago our oldest left on a journey at 12 that would take him away for a few years. Years that I felt we're stolen from us and him. Days during those years where I asked "why" so often I dreamt about it. 

Four years ago my beloved mother was taken home to be the Lord after a year long battle with cancer. She left a huge hole in our family but thankfully, a legacy too! She is so much of the reason we have so many wonderful memories. Some of those memories and traditions were centered around Christmas. Cookies, baking, hospitality, FAMILY, etc. These were just a few.

My father became lonely very quickly and the Lord provided him with a wonderful, Godly wife who has complimented him in so many ways. But just like all things in life, people adjust to these changes in many different ways. Some of my siblings have struggled while others were able to immediately accept this change. Emotions were very high at times and differences were hard to overlook. Time had to be allowed and patience given.

Fast forward to a little over a year ago. My oldest is home but under very difficult circumstances. Christmas was dampened by decisions made by precious ones. Many tears were shed and it was tumultuous, to say the least. But I had been learning to take each day in light of God's glorious plan for our lives. This was just part of it.

So this year, plans started to be made for Christmas. In years past, my brother, his wife and 4 children; my sister, her husband and 3 children; my youngest sister, and my parents would spend late Christmas Eve into Christmas Day together. We would all sleep around the Christmas tree, while listening to Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Andy Williams and many others. We would enjoy trying to set booby traps for my dad as he brought out our stuffed stockings. we had hoped these would wake us. One year it worked as my brother had set a string attached to a tower of plastic cups across the the path my father would take to bring our stockings. What a fun memory!

Many years have passed since we have been able to all be together again.  So as the time got closer for celebration this year we all made plans to meet at my brothers and renew our tradition. Miraculously, we all arrived and made it quite the Christmas Eve overnight. There were 23 of us in all. The children were sacked out on the floor in the living room and all the adults took the bedrooms. Unlike when we were little, our beautiful kiddos let us sleep past six a.m. We read the Christmas story and then sang two praise and worship songs. 

I had a pretty neat idea for dinner time conversation. I had received 12 napkin ties from Ever Thine Home. Each napkin tie had a question or conversation starter written on it that gave you an idea to share around the theme of family and thankfulness. I envisioned laughter and heartfelt sharing, but I could never have realized what exactly the Lord was doing in each of our hearts during this hour of full bellies and tear streaked cheeks. Each napkin was placed randomly around the table. But I believe that each person sat just in the seat they needed to be in to let the healing begin. I wish with all my heart there was deep healing in my own children's hearts as well. They have such holes of pain and loss that often come when you are the adoptee. But as I think through how Christ used the Christmas dinner in the adult's lives I realize we are all in our 40's or older and finally getting "it".

Well, back to the story. 

As my beloved brothers, sisters, and dad and his wife shared hurts, joys, reflections and sorrows, there was a realness to our conversation. There was vulnerability and unspoken healing. Forgiveness was given and received without the normal apologies. Many, many tears were shed amidst the realities of life lessons including parenting, marriage and yearning for other's hurting hearts.

FAMILY! That is what we received! As all of our children are growing and getting their wings, we realize that this may be the beginning of some very different traditions. New friends which may become spouses, college days, jobs in far away places: all these things play into these new memories and traditions.

But for today I am so grateful for seeming to have come full circle. 

Here are a few pics for you to enjoy!

Recipe for Memories

These are actually original artwork from my childhood. I still have the coloring book.
This recipe is one that my mom made every year at Christmas time....and my favorite. Isn't it amazing the memories that come flooding in when you hear a song, or smell a favorite recipe. It isn't so much the actual food, than it is the love behind the food. For me, I can hear the Christmas music and smell the candles that accompanied this time of year in my childhood. This would be tradition, right?

Entering this time of year, I think we all, albeit, subconsciously, crave those memories. They give us a sense of belonging and feeling of love. I am blessed. There were so many nights of coloring Christmas coloring books while listening to Christmas music. I still have one of my original coloring books from 1978...and I know that my sister still makes this part of her festivities with her boys.

There also comes pain for many that don't have such good family memories. Passing by us every day as we enter this season, are people who are in pain. Let's take off the rose colored glasses that seem to cloud our eternal vision and think of those hurting around us. Whether it is a note in the mail, a meal to a shut in, or serving soup at a homeless shelter, find a place that you and your family can serve this advent season.

Our family is missing one member this year (see Aug 29th post) and this will be a very difficult year as we celebrate, but I know the cure for this is to serve others. Most of all, I want my children to know this, too. After all, the reason we celebrate Thanksgiving and the Advent is a life changing reason.