Today is your 16th birthday. How I wish I could do more than just talk to you over some wires, but this is where we are. This is where God has us. This is the path, we say, "I trust Your plan, Father." My thoughts are going in many directions today.
I think back on the day you were born. I hadn't seen you or held you, but I knew you had breathed air for the first time. You were being held by another. One who loved you and one who struggled in life. One who didn't have a Heavenly Father to guide her in dark paths. One who had no direction and felt hopeless. One who I am thankful to every day. One who I can guess is thinking of you today, too.
Five weeks later, you were place in my arms, a whopping 13 lbs. My first time at being a Mommy, without knowing the feelings of life giving birth, but knowing the feelings of a full and complete heart. My heart swelled at the love God placed in it for you, Little Bear. (I know you don't fit this description very well anymore, but you will always be my Little Bear.) You spoiled me rotten, sleeping the very first night for 12 hours, and every night after that. You talked and cooed at just 8 weeks, once so loud that while I was on the phone with Auntie Jen, she couldn't hear me. As you grew, and I mean grew, the bond we shared was like nothing I had every experienced. You were thoughtful, kind, generous and so loving from a very young age. Your prayers to God were so amazing. You thought through so much at such a young age.
I remember well the night you asked us why you looked so different from us...a mere three years old. I, also, remember well your response as we told you about adoption. You became sad. I asked you why you were sad. You said, "I'm sad because I wasn't born in your tummy." I knew at that instant we were Mommy and Son.
I still know this. You have grown into a handsome young man. You have so many talents and abilities that God has given you. The path we have tread for 3 years now is not the one I would have chosen for you, but I am confident of this: God has you on this path. He is turning ashes in beauty. He is turning pain into joy. He is molding your heart in areas I could never mold. He WILL use this uncomfortable season for His glory.
Son, I love you. My heart still swells with pride and joy for you. You are my first-born from my heart. You have taught me so much as a mom that I could never learn otherwise. You are my cubby-bear, and will always be.