Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Only Her!

The past couple of days I have thought about my mom quite a bit.

I miss her so much. There are days when I can hear her voice still. Days when I am singing that I hear her song ring out. Days I look in the mirror and she is looking back at me. (The older I get, the more this happens.)

I was and still am blessed to have had a mom who cared for me in the way she did. She had a way of getting things done. No obstacle in her way. (The Walmart managers can attest to this)

She was full of life.

But, lately, I have been mulling over her death. I know. Not somewhere I should be hanging out at too long. And yet, there was such beauty and peace through the last couple of weeks in her life. I was so thankful to have been there to care for her. I can still smell her hair. Many times a day I would comb it as it would help her to relax. There are times I can't believe she is gone. This week has been just one of those times. Wishing I could pick up the phone and tell her that I'm quitting this thing called "mommyhood".

Tell her that I can't do this another day.
Tell her that I am so frustrated at teaching my children.
Tell her that I just want my boy home.
Tell her that I love her.

Then I would hear her say, "You can do it." I would hear her laugh that infectious laugh and tell me what a great   job I am doing. Only she can say it the way she did.

The most beautiful thing about her death was the presence of the Lord during those days. He was there with us. He gave us the grace to face death...of her body. But we have complete assurance that she is alive and well. Christ beat death. He gives us life.

I mull on this some more.


Anonymous said...

Sis ............yes once again I am crying because of something you wrote. I too have been thinking about her much and I think partly because I have so many friends who are dealing with the horrible disease of cancer in their own moms and so I help and encourage the best I can. I went through my hope chest last night and came across many cards I have saved over the years....I even found a note I will have to tell you about later. It made me cry last night too. I love you and let me just say YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER AND WIFE!!! Such a perfect example to me and you encourage me daily. I can't wait to see Mom again one day....for us all to be together again....."all I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong" but she is!! :)

Treasures Evermore said...

I am so sorry for your grief...but you what? You can stay here awhile. I think it's healthy. It's a way for you to continue grieving as I don't think one ever stops grieving for those we love.

Even though I don't know you personally, I will say that from your blog and all the comments you leave ARE one amazing mom...wife...sister...friend...and DAUGHTER.

You ARE doing an amazing job raising your children. You have been through so much and God always is there and you shine for comes through very boldly here on your blog.

I know when we are in the quietness of our homes, sometimes things can be different...but you have an amazing heart....amazing spirit from the Lord and you LOVE your children. Your mom would be...NO, your mom IS very proud of you...and someday you will have one amazing reunion. We all will.

So sending you many cyber hugs my friend. Wish I was there in person:-)

Blessings and prayers my dear.


Anonymous said...

She was right - Yes, you can do it, Yes, you are doing a great job! You're a beautiful mother! I pray for comfort for you Sarah and for peace to fill your sweet heart. Love you, Patty

Anonymous said...

One moment at a time, precious girl. One moment at a time. You CAN do this. You CAN teach your children (and I know you know He teaches US more than we teach the kids in the process!). He will bring your baby boy home in His time. And you will be with your sweet, feisty, sensitive, tough, funny, stubborn, tender, delightful mom "in the twinkling of an eye."

There were days when she cried in my arms because she was tired of motherhood, too. She struggled with teaching you and your brother and sisters. She got frustrated. She lost her temper. She was a human being--one who trusted the Lord to be her all in all, her everything, and to cover her shortcomings with grace and love.

Despite her humanness--and perhaps because of it-- you and your siblings rise up and call her blessed. Your children, too, will do this, for you. Trust Jesus today--for today. Take one moment at a time. Accept His grace, His mercy.

I love you so much and wish I could be there to hug your neck.