The past couple of days I have thought about my mom quite a bit.
I miss her so much. There are days when I can hear her voice still. Days when I am singing that I hear her song ring out. Days I look in the mirror and she is looking back at me. (The older I get, the more this happens.)
I was and still am blessed to have had a mom who cared for me in the way she did. She had a way of getting things done. No obstacle in her way. (The Walmart managers can attest to this)
She was full of life.
But, lately, I have been mulling over her death. I know. Not somewhere I should be hanging out at too long. And yet, there was such beauty and peace through the last couple of weeks in her life. I was so thankful to have been there to care for her. I can still smell her hair. Many times a day I would comb it as it would help her to relax. There are times I can't believe she is gone. This week has been just one of those times. Wishing I could pick up the phone and tell her that I'm quitting this thing called "mommyhood".
Tell her that I can't do this another day.
Tell her that I am so frustrated at teaching my children.
Tell her that I just want my boy home.
Tell her that I love her.
Then I would hear her say, "You can do it." I would hear her laugh that infectious laugh and tell me what a great job I am doing. Only she can say it the way she did.
The most beautiful thing about her death was the presence of the Lord during those days. He was there with us. He gave us the grace to face death...of her body. But we have complete assurance that she is alive and well. Christ beat death. He gives us life.
I mull on this some more.