Today is the day I have dreaded all year...one year since Mom went home to be with Jesus. As I was thinking over the last year during the last couple of weeks, I came across a card she had sent me 2 years ago during the first episode with my oldest. I could faintly hear her voice as I read the written words. She encourages me still though she is far away.
I feel the space betweeen us so often. How am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to feel?
I hear a resounding yes from my Shepherd. The One Who holds her in His care. The One who knows the emptiness in my heart and the hearts of my family members.
The feelings are all encompassing and not at all. All at the same time.
*her beautiful eyes that shined forth Christ's love
*her infectious laugh that brought joy at so many times
*so many "I need Mommy" moments that she was there at my beck and call
*her shoulder was so soft at the times of tears
*she gave so freely of herself
*her love for God's Word
*the many days when her responsibilities were all emcompassing: 5 day backyard clubs, parenting foster teenagers as well as her own 4, and making meals for many out of nothing (just to name a few)
*her LONG and LENGTHY Christmas letters that filled everyone in on the DAILY happenings of life in the Stebbins' household
*her love for her grandchildren was secure and full
*her voice, her laugh, her prayers
But , I know I will see her again. I know through Christ she has conquered death. She is not gone. She is not dead. She is alive and well.
I miss her and forever will.