Friday, July 2, 2010

It Has Been 2 Months...

But, is she really gone? There are times I think this is all a dream...

I see her smiling face looking at me from the gold frame as my head lays down on the soft pillow. As I bring the blanket up around me, I remember...

~ Her eyes. Mom always had a twinkle in her eye. At her memorial, that was one of the things spoken of from the time she met dad to the very end of her life.

~ Her laugh. As she aged it diminished some, but my memory of her and her friend, Anne Habeth, laughing together, will always be in my mind.

~ Her love. Her hugs were full of love. She gave of herself freely. Raising 4 children and loving those who were not her own was her feat. Teenage fostering was a tough job. She and dad did it well.

I, now, force myself to stop thinking with my feelings and think with Truth.

Mom is gone from this life, but not gone. I Corinthians 15: 50-58 reminds me where my hope lies. "I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

"Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

I would love to hear Mom's voice again, to feel her arms around me, to be encouraged by her words, but this can't happen. I miss her immensely. The pain is so deep at times, I find myself in darkness, just walking by faith, not seeing what's ahead. BUT, this is where my Jesus wants me. Faith in Him knowing He holds all things together. And holds Mom with Him waiting for the day we are reunited.


Anonymous said...

Sarah, Those beautiful verses hold so much hope and promise. I praise God for His words of comfort when our hearts are hurting. I know the smile, the laugh and the hugs that you miss. They were unique and were your mom's gifts from the hands of God. Those same hands gifted you with your unique beauty in your eyes and in your smile. He's gifted you with a beautiful heart that continues to share His words and extend comfort to others even through your own pain. You're holding tight to Him and He's holding tight to you - quite a heavenly hug. Love you, Patty

Stacey said...

Dear Sarah,

It is so hard. It has been a year and a half for me, and there are still many times when I can't believe I can no longer pick up the phone and call my Mom, and talk to her about everything. You are so right, though, staying strong in your faith. God is faithful, and He will keep you securely. I don't think we really get used to it -- I think things just become different for us, and we somehow adjust to that. To the differentness. Thank God for His love and His promises!

Stacey <><

Clay in His Hands said...

Amen, amen, and amen. All so true of our beautiful Wendy. I know you miss her...and will continue to do so until you see her again. She was--is--so proud of you! I love you,

Cindy Adkins said...

Dear Sarah,
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a mother is the most difficult thing I can imagine...I pray that the Lord is sending you comfort at this time...
I would love to have you join us over at I Owe it All to is a retreat for those who love the Lord.
Sending blessings your way,

Anonymous said...

Hey Sis,
I cried when I came to your site. Today has been another tough day for me, missing Mom and wishing the same things you do. I have a picture of her and Dad sitting on my nightstand as well and when I lay down at night, I always glance over at that picture. I've even watched a video from a year or more ago just to hear her voice. I was just saying to a lady today how I still find it hard to believe she is gone. I hold onto that hope we will see mom again one day.....and hopefully sooner than later. Zeke said to me the other day "Mommy, I still think about Gran everyday, don't you?" and I told him I did. I didn't cry then but thinking about his comment yesterday, I cried. The holidays will always be hardest now. She made July 4th so special and fun for the boys. Even last year, buying special goodies for everyone and glow in the dark necklaces for the kids at the fireworks. I love you and miss you. Patty is so right - you have mom's sparkle in your eyes and we know where that comes from. The pain is deep, yes so very deep but thankfully His love and comfort goes deeper. Love you.

Barbie said...

Praying God will comfort you today.

Kaye Swain - SandwichINK said...

I have so enjoyed visiting your site. What an awesome spiritual and loving heritage from your parents and what a delightful tribute you've written. As a Baby Boomers Generation granny nanny to 4 and grandmother to plenty more grandchildren, including some adopted, and some "adopted in love," this is one of my primary goals in life! To love each one whom God has blessed me with and continually point the way to Him.

God bless you and your family as you now follow in your sweet mom's footsteps, creating yet another lovely heritage - like ripples in a lake, ever growing larger. :)