But, is she really gone? There are times I think this is all a dream...
I see her smiling face looking at me from the gold frame as my head lays down on the soft pillow. As I bring the blanket up around me, I remember...
~ Her eyes. Mom always had a twinkle in her eye. At her memorial, that was one of the things spoken of from the time she met dad to the very end of her life.
~ Her laugh. As she aged it diminished some, but my memory of her and her friend, Anne Habeth, laughing together, will always be in my mind.
~ Her love. Her hugs were full of love. She gave of herself freely. Raising 4 children and loving those who were not her own was her feat. Teenage fostering was a tough job. She and dad did it well.
I, now, force myself to stop thinking with my feelings and think with Truth.
Mom is gone from this life, but not gone. I Corinthians 15: 50-58 reminds me where my hope lies. "I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
"Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."
I would love to hear Mom's voice again, to feel her arms around me, to be encouraged by her words, but this can't happen. I miss her immensely. The pain is so deep at times, I find myself in darkness, just walking by faith, not seeing what's ahead. BUT, this is where my Jesus wants me. Faith in Him knowing He holds all things together. And holds Mom with Him waiting for the day we are reunited.