Loneliness Cries Out!

I think one of the worst pains to a parent's heart is knowing your child is hurting and in pain themselves. We want to fix things so they don't have to feel that emptiness or loneliness. We want to fill their hearts with love and if we know that love won't fill it we give them things to make them smile. But eventually, the pain comes back.

This year has been tough for some young 'uns on the Ponderosa. New loves have left. New relationships didn't last. Life throws a curve ball. Accidents happen. The story doesn't end as lovely as one may picture, although I know the story's not over yet.

My littlest's two best friends moved away in February. God brought two new friends and they are leaving at the end of this week. For another state. Her neighbor friend is moving. So it was no wonder that the entire way home from church she cried out the window saying, "I want a puppy!" (Her love languages is obviously anything animal related.) Tears flowed hard! It is so so hard to see

Loss comes hard to this love of mine. She takes these very seriously and feels the deep separation!

(I know you are thinking how nice it would be to end this post with a picture of a cute little puppy that she has adopted!) Not so fast....

I can promise you, THAT CANNOT AND WILL NOT HAPPEN!!!

But what I can tell her that I know to be true is that Jesus is the best friend we can have. In fact, He is our Good Shepherd that promises to never leave His sheep.

My prayer is that through these losses she will feel the emptiness that only Jesus can fill. Sooner than later.

For later will bring so much more pain.

Lord, as this week begins and our friends move on and start new relationships elsewhere, I pray for your special healing touch to my little one's heart. May this be the year that the Truth, the Way and the Life become real to her. Open her eyes to your love for her, and help her to know you are always there for her and will never move away or leave her. Show her stability through this is from you. May she feel your arms around her and assurance of your acceptance of  her little life as she confesses you before others and seeks forgiveness for her sins. Thank you for being that constant to Your children."

P.S. Please give this momma patience through this too. As the meltdowns occur, give me compassion to feel as she feels.

Do My Tears Matter...

...to my Heavenly Father?

Lately, all I can do is cry when I commune with my Master. I feel at a loss for words and full of tears. There have been many things torn from me in the past year, and I am coming to understand that my Jesus wants me to come to Him and be dependant on Him and nothing else.

So, I am reminded that

~ My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

~ The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. (Psalm 145: 18-19)

~ The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

~ Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)

~ Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)

~ He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Revelations 21:4)

~ You have kept count of my tossings;put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book? Psalm 56:8

~ Tears may flow in the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

My Lord does care; He sees each tear that falls; He knows my thoughts, even before I think them; He knows my words without saying them.

I know He will restore my joy.....in time.

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day I find so very difficult. The two most difficult trials I have yet faced can affect this day, if I let them get the best of me.

I was asked by leadership at church to speak and give a brief testimony of being a daughter and a mother.

The Lord brought this to my heart:

"Most of you know that my mom passed away 2 weeks ago, on April 21st. This mother’s day holds much sadness for me, but also much joy. My mother was a woman who loved God and others with all her heart. She had a passion to share Christ with others even up to the very night Christ took her home. Eight hours before her death, she was sharing Christ with a co-worker who called. Though she really struggled to breathe in the end and had a lot of medication in her, she was still determined to let anyone know who called or came by that they, too, would die one day and could be assured that they could also go to heaven if they had a relationship with her Savior. I was raised by this precious woman (and my dad, too) who took me to a nursing home every week when I was young. I remember combing the ladies’ hair and putting nail polish on their fingers as mom shared the best news she could, salvation through Jesus. Mom held 5 Day Clubs each summer when I was younger and ministered to all the moms whose children attended. My mom had fears, many that stemmed from childhood and not being raised in a Godly home. She would have admitted she was a pessimist at heart, but during the last few weeks of her life, she conquered all. She never showed any fear during the time of her life where she had every “right” to be fearful. She praised Jesus with her heart and even her lips during the 2 ½ weeks I was there taking care of her. She thanked Jesus every day, all day for bringing her into the very last valley she would face. She never complained. Christ was glorified.

Mother’s Day is about celebrating my mother and also, celebrating the mother I have become, only because of Jesus. And, yet, again, this brings me back to my mom. I wanted nothing more than to be the mom she was. At first, I thought this was never to be. God closed my womb, but, in turn, opened my heart. And this again was in large part due to the example of my precious mom. She and my dad took in the orphans for many years as I was growing up…mostly teenagers. They became foster parents only 2 years after they became believers. The Lord showed me pure and undefiled religion through her actions.

And now, I find myself mom to 4 precious children who were birthed in my heart. This act of love was acted out for me and I am forever grateful. Being a mom brings such joy, but also such pangs of grief. There are joys of hearing, “I love you, Mommy.” There are days of nothing but dirty clothes, dirty dishes, dirty floors and even dirty feet. But so much blessedness comes from being there to whisper prayers of healing and hurt, to utter forgiveness and teach the truths of God’s Word. It is a grueling task that brings emotional, physical, mental and even spiritual exhaustion. But this gift of motherhood is a gift I am eternally blessed to own.

In closing, I would like to thank you for praying for our family in the last month, as well as the last year. Such trial has come our way, but joy has definitely come too. We have grieved with the loss of our son from our home and the physical loss of my mom from our lives. Both of these losses have refined me and are what our Lord is using to make me a better mom…one that resembles my Savior more. God remains so faithful. "Hoss" is doing so well. He is learning to place his trust in Christ. He was able to talk to mom and write to her, even encouraging her with some Scriptures. She went to be with Jesus with the knowledge that Christ has begun a miracle in his life that she was on her knees daily petitioning the Father for.

Tears flow daily for all these things. Joy erupts as well. Praise be to our Heavenly Father."

Good-Bye to Caramel

Our beloved rabbit, Caramel died today...and once again my wee one deals with loss!

Just another opportunity to bring her to Jesus.