Brilliant Light

This last week, my oldest daughter and I went to an appointment for a program through our local school system, called Vocational Rehab. They offer free help for "special needs" students as they get close to graduation; in order to find jobs or even get vocational training. (Even though she has always been home schooled, we can still use this service.) My sweet "Marie" is a junior in high school, almost 17 years old. She entered this life with so many struggles. She continued persevering in life and school even though many things seemed to be against her. And she has become a beautiful woman who loves God with all her heart.

As we entered the appointment, her nerves were on edge and neither of us really knew what to expect. As we left the appointment, I wanted to just cry. She did an amazing job, although the amazing part wasn't her poise, or knowledge of what she could articulate. It was her love for Jesus and she had no inhibition to express why she lives the way she does. Her worldview screamed loud and clear. When questions were asked about her blog or about her relationships with her parents, it came down to, "I write about what Christ has done for me..." or "sometimes I disagree with my parents, but I know they are trying to protect me and help me to do what is right."

The counselor that interviewed her was stoic and did not express emotion either way to "Marie's" responses, but I would have loved to get in her head.

One thing I am certain of is this: my sweetie's light was bright that day. She allowed the world, especially the counselor, to see what she lives for. She can't tell you her birthday some days. She can't tell you what the date is, how much money a cashier needs to give her back, or what time it is. But she is confident of this one thing: HE WHO BEGAN THE WORK IN HER IS STILL WORKING AND WILL COMPLETE IT!

God Uses the "Special"

I have a beautiful daughter who has special needs. She is now 16 years old and growing more beautiful day by day. Her heart and soul ooze Jesus. This is the epitome of beauty.

But this doesn't take away the hurt and struggles that she lives with daily. Especially as she ages, she sees these differences.

She has had a couple of meltdowns frustrated at her inability to understand or be able to discuss things with others her age that she can't get. But overall, she has come to an understanding of God's miracle in her life and the mantra we drilled into her...."God cares more about your ability to love others, to show kindness and overcome evil with good, than He cares whether you know how to add or subtract."

As I was reading through the book of John this week I came across a story in chapter 9 that I have heard many, many times before. But as I read about Jesus healing the blind man from birth, it struck me how it all came to happen.

Jesus was with His disciples and they questioned Jesus about this blind man they saw on the side of the road. The blind man never cried out to be healed. There is no commentary except the disciples wanting to know why he is blind. Jesus says an amazing thing: "This happened so that the power of God could be seen in him." We see that after Jesus healed him, he testified to the religious leaders, believed and worshiped the "One" who did this.

Now, I'm pretty sure that at the time of his birth, his parents did not think to themselves, "God made our boy special to be used by Him to proclaim His glory." I am pretty sure they were hurting and struggled to accept this initially. I think most parents do. But how exciting for them later on to have their son healed.

 Yet, you read in the narrative, that they were afraid to tell the religious leaders who healed their son, because they had announced anyone proclaiming Jesus was the Messiah would be expelled from the synagogue. But, their blind son, who now saw, believed.

In this age of euthanasia and throwing away of those who don't measure up; in this world of medical pressures to abort when faced with a "special" baby, we must remain steadfast that God's glory is on display. Choosing life is choosing God's way. Choosing life is choosing for God to work in ways that we have a hard time seeing initially because of our own pain. I know several families who have children with down syndrome. I know those who care for their precious children with the utmost care and believe without a shadow of a doubt that they are placed in this world to be God's glory-shiners.

I have a beautiful daughter who radiates God's miraculous work. I have been asked by doctors, nurses, and other professionals what we did to help her excel as much as she has. I then, have an opportunity to gospelize. I have a starting point at which to say, "God; He is the maker of all things beautiful. He gives us wisdom. He gives her understanding that she may not have ever had otherwise."

So I leave the blind man with Jesus and head to John chapter 10, ready to read about my Good Shepherd, who watches over the souls of those He loves. I know whatever may happen to my little lamb as she ages, she has a Wonderful Great Shepherd who will never leave her.

Our Story in Brief

Some of you have followed the last 5 years of our lives, but may have never put together or been told our story. The following is a letter I submitted to a magazine that focuses on family, adoption and life.

Dear Nancy,

Let me start by saying how much I have been encouraged by your Above Rubies magazine. I love your focus on adoptive families and the gift of life. As my husband and I were looking over the new issue last night, he said to me, "You should write an article featuring our story." I have been blogging for the last 5 years about it, but feel like maybe I can be a voice to those who have struggled with the same things. 

We are an adoptive family. We are an multi-cultural family. All four of our adopted children are African American.  My husband and I have been married for 20 years this year. After many surgeries due to endometriosis, we started the adoption process for our oldest. This was our first and only private adoption. Our son, Joshua, was born on December 21, 1996. He was born in another state so we anxiously awaited that phone call. But our hopes were dashed as his birth mother changed her mind. God took us through that roller coaster and after 5 weeks she changed her mind again and he was placed in our arms. 

Twenty two months later, our second son, Nate, came into our lives at 5 months old. He was part of the foster care system and struggled with attachment reactive disorder until 5 years old. God's grace is the only way we were able to get through those years. But through those dark days, God called us to home school. The furthest thing is my mind was "being with that child" all day. But God changed my heart and showed me that's exactly what he needed.

Just over two years later, the department of family services called us and told us about a little special needs girl who needed a home. Esther was 22 months at that time. Since they knew we already had adopted African American children they thought of us. Esther had/has fetal alcohol syndrome and was failure to thrive. After one year of being our daughter, tests were run to rule out Autism, and it was discovered she had ACC (Agensis of the Corpus Collosum). In layman's terms, the central part of the brain in your Corpus Collusum. Hers is missing. This part holds 500,000,000 connectors to both hemispheres of your brain. We have been told she should be in a wheelchair not walking or talking. She "appears" normal to those who don't know her well. She struggles mostly with developmental/schooling delays and some social issues. But she is a miracle. Love is an amazing thing!

Now, having 3 children with a span of 2 years of age among them, I was overwhelmed for quite a while. There were many days of therapies and struggling to seemingly survive the emotional struggles. Little did we know that this would be a small part of the rest of our story.

In 2005, we received a phone call from a local pregnancy center about needing a family for a special needs 10 month old boy who would be placed privately. He had kidney failure as well as crossed eyes and severe developmental delay. He was like a newborn. We prayed about it and felt God's leading. Within two weeks, we had our home study done and were traveling 2 hours away to pick him up. The adoption laws in the state we live allow for the birth mother to change her mind within 3 days, if the child is over 6 months old. On the third day, we received a call from our attorney stating the unthinkable. She had changed her mind. This was a very tough place. My husband rose to the occasion and the next morning met our attorney and the birth mother at the train depot. They exchanged signatures for our precious Elisha that we had grown to love like our own. I am so grateful for my husband who used that opportunity to proclaim Jesus to Elisha's birth mom. Two weeks later we received a phone call from a deputy stating, "....there is an investigation into a little boy's death." Yes, Elisha had passed away in her care. I struggled with anger and resentment to the Lord. But eventually, He helped me to see that my sweet baby is with him and better off than the life he would have had. He also worked on my heart dealing with the idols that had formed in my own life.

The good news is that having Elisha in our home opened our hearts up to adoption again. In September 2005 a little girl was born and two years later she would become ours. Hannah was placed in our home after two years of foster care.  She was a crack baby with lots of hurting places. But thankful we have been granted to raise her.

Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is also messy. Our boys hit the teen years with rejection and identity issues surfacing. Anger became out of control. We chose for our oldest to attend a Christian boarding school for a few years to protect him from himself. These were so very difficult years. The ache that happened in ourselves but most of all him was so painful. 

Hannah struggles with severe ADHD and outbursts of anger. Parenting adopted children brings a whole new set of issues. There is so much hurting and open wounds that seem to take years to work through...really until adulthood.

We have come to know the daily struggles that come along side raising adopted children. It can be a lonely place, where others don't understand. We have faced judgment on our parenting as well as struggled with fear of man...."what do people think?", which we still fight daily. So many times, adoption is viewed through rose colored glasses. It is so messy at times, but adoption is the brightest light we can shine that exemplifies the Gospel, for isn't that the picture Christ gives about our relationship with Him? Our parenting of these special kids has been greatly affected by grace. For how often do we spurn God's grace and parenting of us? How often do we choose defiance and rebellion? Yet, He keeps pursuing us. He keeps showering us with His love. He never lets go or gives us back up.

Thanksgiving...So Abundant

My heart is so full today! I am amazed at our God! His faithfulness endures.

Some of you may remember this. I read through them over the last couple of days. God has heard. He has moved. I continually ask myself, "Why am I surprised?"

Over the next month, I am focusing on thanksgiving and a heart of gratitude.

So today I am thankful for:

1. Salvation - Without Christ, I am nothing.
2. Sanctification - Without Christ, I could not keep on keeping on.
3. My gracious husband who works so hard so I can do my job in teaching and training these little (and big) lambs.
4. My beautiful children. I have learned so much of my Savior's love through loving these children. 
5. God's grace that pushes and pursues.
6. Hoss' new job at Subway! YAY!!!
7. Hoss' enrollment at our community college to start in January.
8. Inger's love of animals. (Please add your prayers to this list! That I would be able to say no! LOL! Foster care for animals???? Really???)
9. Marie's love for the Lord. She has such a tender heart.
10. Little Joe's love of music. God has gifted him with such talent. Love it that he prefers spotify to television. Love hearing those guitars! (Most of the time :)
11. The ability to make decisions apart from fearing man. Fear God alone!!!!

Lamentations 3:22-24 
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

The Most Important Day of Her Life...so far

We took off like a flash yesterday afternoon, heading down Highway 75 due south to Sarasota, Florida. The focus this weekend was for "Marie" and I to have a weekend away from all the Ponderosa distractions to focus on her growing up. She is now 14 years old and maturing into a beautiful, Godly, young lady.

Passport to Purity is the best tool we know that enables moms and dads to have honest, blunt conversations about all the facts of life. (There are a whole lot more than what existed when I was her age.)

Dove chocolates, Bing Cherries, Shopping, soaking in the sun at Lido Beach have been part of this weekend for us. But the most important part was sitting together on the bed in the hotel with her head on my shoulder listening to the cds that Family Life Today put together. Everything from peer pressure to sex to dating to (most importantly) trusting her parents are presented in a way that is God-honoring. The theme verse for these sessions is Colossians 1:18.

"And he is he head of the body, the church. he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent."

As I sit here typing this I am listening to the water run in the bathtub as "Marie" shaves her legs for the first time. I gaze over to the table and see her face powder and blush that we just purchased as well. My little girl is growing up. It is her dad and my responsibility to provide her the protection and guidance as she heads down some new roads.

My heart rejoices in the fact, that at 14 years old, she has joyfully consented to this. She desires with all her heart to please her Lord.

And, I pray for that young man that finds her heart one day. May he love our Lord even more than my daughter.

Oh, yeah...one more thing. She is super excited about not having to ask permission if she can have something to eat or drink....especially coffee!

One more thing...please pretend you don't see any wrinkles in the last picture. :)

Pictures of the Princess Party

Our Princess is 13 today

We've made it. My daughter, who is one of the most precious treasures ever given to me, turns 13 today.

She has grown in amazing ways, but most importantly, her heart is aimed to Jesus, and for this I am thankful.

Today we are celebrating with a Princess Tea. "Marie" and I have been taking in the book, The Princess and the Kiss. We have been using the study guide that goes along with it, and have had some rich discussions. (Those of you with Tweens, ages 8-12, I heartily encourage this book.)

Her cousins and aunts will be joining us later today. We will celebrate her near approach of womanhood. I have come to know the truth behind the importance of character over knowledge. You see, my beautiful "Marie" has so many hidden struggles, yet who she is on the inside radiates all around her. I am so thankful for her.

And later today, she is getting this. SSSHHHHH!!! Don't tell!

P.S. I will post pictures later from our special day.

A Special Adoption Day

Our dear "Marie",


Today we celebrate your 11th adoption day. We can't forget the day we met you at Micky D'S. Your sweet little face was expressionless; almost as if you were depressed. Your little life had already experienced way more than it should have. Within weeks there was a light in your eyes that hadn't been there before.


Your grew in leaps and bounds, but in the past ten years you have grown in an area that is the most important. Your walk with God.

God has does a gracious work in your heart. You have such a close relationship with Him and I stand in awe at what He is doing. Though God created you with all sorts of struggles and delays in what the world would deem as needful, you have proven to us that God can do abundantly above all that we ask or think. 


Our prayer to you, dear daughter, is that your relationship with your Savior will continue to be the most important thing in your life. That you would strive to love Him and continue to have a soft heart for the things of the Lord. Keep seeking Him. Keep asking for His will to be done. Keep living for Him.


"Marie", you sure do amaze us. We love you and are so grateful to the gift that God gave us so long ago.