Patience is Necessary

I have figured it out.

I really AM "Much-Afraid". Was Hannah Hurnard writing about my life when she wrote, "Hinds' Feet in High Places"?

She had to be...but how did she know?

As I continue on this journey with my twin, I continually come back to surrendering my will on the altar. My Good Shepherd, He continually asks this of me. Each chapter that is read is absorbed into my very soul. I long to be free. I long to Accept with Joy whatever path the Lord has for me. But I find myself looking to the High Places wondering if my Leader has forgotten me. And then, just like "Much-Afraid", I call out to Him in my distress and He is right there with His arms around me.

"Much-Afraid" has learned she much trust completely. Not only this, but learn to accept with joy what the Shepherd has for her. This translates to me: Head knowledge is not enough. Saying, "I believe God is sovereign and in control" is not enough. This will not sustain me. I must KNOW my Savior intimately and with joy submit to His plan.

Now, what? Patience. Patience. Patience.

I don't know when my Shepherd will take me out of this precipice. I don't know when He will give me my heart's desire. Wait!

My heart's desire is peace. And I simply forget that it can be obtained even under duress. My Good Shepherd wants me to surrender my times and plans to His.

This is where I find myself. On a very interesting journey. A mental fight. A spiritual battle.

My #40

"Hoss" is getting into the groove back here at the Ponderosa. He is enjoying playing basketball on the team for his new school.

Go Mustangs!!!

Acceptance-With-Joy

Much Afraid has been in the wilderness. Her Shepherd has taken her to view crushing scenes through a portal.

*Grain being crushed to make bread.
*Clay being shaped by a Potter.
*Metal being heated and formed for perfect use.

Each of these being a picture of what our Lord uses in our lives to get our attention. They seem cruel and hurtful, but must be done in order to shape us for His perfect purposes.

As Much Afraid finally accepts this, I must too.

She is now ready to leave this desolate place. As she gazes out over the emptiness she spies a small yellow flower. There are no watering holes, nor seeds, nor birds to sow the seeds. She wonders where this beautiful touch has come from. As she arrives closer she asks this refreshing creation, who she is and where she comes from. Her answer?

"I am Acceptance-With-Joy".

I, again, shut the book, a little more slowly this time to ponder this. Not only is my Shepherd asking me to trust Him, but now He is asking me to accept all that He has for me...with JOY...

The next layer of my heart has been exposed....I find myself begging Him for help as I know what I must do.

Much Afraid Hits the Desert

As I ponder my readings and meanderings through, Hinds' Feet in High Places, I continue to find myself looking at myself.


She encountered Pride that caused her limp to be greater than necessary. The Good Shepherd rescues her (from herself) and she continues on her journey.


Her wonderful guides, Sorrow and Suffering, now lead her to a precipice that looks out over a barren, dry desert away from the High Places that her Shepherd promised her. She can't believe that this is part of the plan, and cries out for Him.

As He explains the need to trust, she finds herself offering this prayer. It is mine, as well.

"I do love you, you know that I love you. Oh, forgive me, for I can't help my tears. I will go down with you into the wilderness, right away from the promise, if you really wish it. Even if you can't tell me why it has to be, I will go with you, for you know that I do love you, and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please."

I'm Back....For Now

The New Year rushed in with so many feelings. We have enjoyed having "Hoss" home, yet there were some very unexpected emotions for me. I was overjoyed, yet anxious. I still am fighting my thoughts...the what-ifs. But I have been learning to continually meditate on the God of the Word.

I have never fought anxiety in such a physical way....yet, my God is bigger than all of my thoughts or life experiences.

I have picked up one of my favorite reads again, Hinds' Feet in High Places. Much-Afraid finds herself completely overcome by fear. As I read, I realize this is Me. I want to follow the Good Shepherd, but the fears seem so strong, that I feel like I can't breathe at times. Much-Afraid finally makes her hard decision and leaves the Fearlings and starts on her journey with the Good Shepherd. Little does she know things are going to get much harder before she reaches the High Places. In fact, the Good Shepherd gives her two guides to help her. Their names? Sorrow and Suffering!

Here I close the book and weep, for I know this is how the Lord refines those who are His children. This is the only way I will learn to be completely dependent on Him.

So, now, each minute of every day, I am meditating on this:

Jeremiah 17:7,8

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD
And whose trust is the LORD.
For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
That extends its roots by a stream
And will not FEAR when the heat comes;
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be ANXIOUS in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit."

God has continued to bring this verse to my path for the past two years, and, yet, it has become more dear than ever. I have felt the fear. I have felt the anxiety. I have not trusted.

I want to trust.

Please pray for me, friends, as I transition back to the role of "Hoss'" mom.